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2012-01-02T18:15:00.001+08:00

When I was in my teen I have so little to worry about, the goal is,

Study, get into good university then you will get a good job=good life.

That's it! No one will be there to tell you the exact way of how to get to there but yet your parent has it for you. The "ultimate solution" that will get you through life which you probably will never regret. At least they think it is "the way"

So I didnt have much speculation of how my future life will be back then. I attended school, hang out with friends, do a lot of homework exercises, and of course eat a lot of rice. Whether you do good or do bad, you have to finish what you have started, then only you can break free from the cycle and do the things you like.

Because "the way" is fixed, what you can do is whether to do it in a faster and easier way, or take it the rough way. There is no option, either you go to university, or you are a failure. It just matters so much to parent for their children of this generation to have at least a degree.

Having a degree means more money, more status and most importantly more stable in a sense that no one can deny its mere existence, albeit of its not-so-clear-utilities.

Sadly it is now more like a have-to-acquire thing rather that a want.

I once was a kid and all I had was a dream.

But when I walked further down the road, I question myself is it the A4 size paper with my name that I seek for, or is it the knowledge that I gained on the way acquiring it?

Is it how much you know or how many marks you get in a test that probably you won't even remember 10 years from now that matter the most?

I wonder. Education happens when there's interest, and I think many had drawn into this quicksand that ate up all those academic passion and love.

"Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself."

2011-12-31T17:33:00.008+08:00

2011 was a year of fear and growth.

It was a good and bad year all mix up. But the goods definitely out win the bads.

It started with the San Francisco new year eve count down, which was well spent with Mr Jay Chou.

San Francisco was great, its a city so rich in culture and heritage.

Before San Francisco was the painful 8 hours plus drive from LA to San Jose. The entire 8 hours was peaceful with some snoring sound from the back of the car. It was a tiring drive but my music kept me well awake. The journey was smooth with some short stop for naps and coffee break. It was a night drive with barely any traffic, but occasionally some aggressive truck did pass by. The darn straight long road never seem to end all the way to San Jose.

It was a little scary when you are the only one awake in that space. It was a feeling more than just lonely. When the clock ticked 8:35, we reached our destination safely.

Jan

School started, back to old business, decided to move back to campus since taking an hour bus ride to campus is too much a of a pain. Classes was good, the weather was nice and not so much snowing like the previous 2 years. Met this wonderful girl in Jan and never look back ever since.

Feb

Feb was a month of nothing special other than going to lectures and tests. Haha, but the most important things to mention here is, I adopted the habit of brushing teeth every night before i sleep (no judgement is needed here). Back to Seattle for the Spring break and have the dim sum. One of my best friend got into relationship, which surprised me, and here I gave my best wishes to them.

March

March actually passed too fast without me even noticing it.

April

Was in exam period. Struck by the news of grandpa became really sick. Feel so helpless at that moment. Wrote a blog post about it but never published it. Its a bad timing but that's life, things just happen. My childhood memory with him is not clear for me. Except the time when me and my mum went to pass him the money and the simple greeting when we got together for a dinner. Life was never easy at his time, with Japanese occupation and needing to feed seven mouths.

Good news is he is perfectly well now, and I am really glad for that.

May

May was a month of big feast and catching up with friends and family. Went for karaoke session with family once I reach the airport. Had lots of fun and feel safe with the people you love around you. Had been missing too many good food that I have to take it all back within the four months window that I have back home. Met the girl of my life for the first time once I get down from the plane. Will never forget the way she looked at me the first time. Love is just something that you cant explain by words. Perhaps crazy is the word for this month.

June

June was a month of travelling, so was July actually. Went to Hong Kong, Macau and Bali for the second time. Caught a glimpse on where my future will be headed towards. Finally got to take a good picture Hong Kong night scene, still the best I have ever seen in my entire life.

July

This is the moment when I decided to cut the angel's wing not allow her to go back to heaven or to anyone else.

I was kinda tired of just existing before her arrival, I wanted to live. Sometimes before this I feel like my existence is merely for others. These questions went through my mind over and over again till I reached the point of not wanting to wake up from the dream that felt so real to me.

Later the India trip became an important transition point in my life.

You cant to be something that you are not, you have to be you.

You intensely love novelties in order to hate them more intensely afterward. Don't go chase for so many things that you didn't own. Cherish what you had, treasure what you possessed.

India was a trip of soul finding, and I found my way there. Was only browsing in Air Asia website then suddenly stumble upon the ticket and booked it. Not much thoughts was given that time but later it proved to be the best trip of my life.

Perhaps things are all in harmony all along before us, then money, power, and evil intention came in and destroy every best things in life.

Visited Korea in this month as well. The BBQ meat there is just too heavenly good.

August

August was about taking things slow and enjoying life as its best. Traveled in my lovely car with the love one. Stocking up things so that I wont be die of famine when I fly back to the cold country. Been trying out hotel in Kl as well. Found back some old photo and realize I was really fat back then. Like seriously fat.

Sept+Oct+Nov+Dec

These four months was all about stuck in the northern hemisphere. Spending most of my life alone here figuring out whats next in my life. Was trying to make a map for my future. Back to the gym routine, start to do exercise seriously. Got a guitar as my birthday present :D

was whining how i never got the chance to learn a musical instrument all the while but guess I go no reason to say no now.

Been working hard for my final years. Looking back everything just seems surreal to me. I have reach this point with a few regrets but much gratitude.

Also a dream kept haunted me early Novermber.

I frequently have this dream about me going into an elevator with only 13th floor and 17th floor button which strangely resemble the building I lived in now. I always refuse to step into the elevator because it seems too dangerous to me. And everytime when I take it, it will brought me to some place else.

I always take dream quite seriously, till now I still cant explain the content of that dream.

Am officially 23 in few hours time. I hope the year of 2012 will be a fruitful and rewarding year.

2011-12-02T16:28:00.001+08:00

Always have this thought of writing something here but end up forgetting it

Will write something here, something about these years that I had and everything that I did.

To be continued....

2011-10-28T16:56:00.005+08:00

ben ben de face

289 days back, on a dull afternoon, i hit the approved button for the friend request sent by the special one.

Who would have thought that she is mine now?

She is not just another one, she is the one :)

Happy birthday to the Angel!

am born 21 days before to wait for your arrival in this world :3

2011-10-07T12:06:00.005+08:00

When friends heard we were going to India the first reaction they gave was asking if we were serious, or did we mixed up India with Indonesia, true story. And the reason is often because people like us don't go to India. By like us i mean people who are in their early 20s, which perfectly define us. And who would bring your girlfriend that you just met for like half year to India?

And of course I have got some negative comment from her bff on like "why your boyfriend so not romantic one". But that's ok, because the trip itself proved them wrong. It was a great and worth mentioning trip.

Before me and my girlfriend went on the trip, we were told that many people don’t enjoy their first trip to India. Rather, it takes most people multiple trips to get past the point of feeling overwhelmed so that they can begin to enjoy and even fall in love with the culture. That’s not true, we both fall in love to the culture right away once we touched down in Delhi airport. We love India, every single bit of it.

The first thing we noticed in India is children are left running on the street on their own. Literacy rate became our first concern when we saw those kids walking on the street bared foot and some without pants. This is certainly a huge problem, we were furious about the literacy rate there so we talked to some people who were benefiting from the education and skills training provided by the government. Sadly, government did provide education but many are too poor to afford it. Many were wandering around the street begging for money. They would follow you everywhere once you have given them something. I felt that what these children really needed was our attention, and our ability to play with them and make them feel special. Once they got the feeling from you, they will start following you because it feels good to them. Instead of giving them money, the pretty one suggested that we bought them pen instead. Well at the end we didn't manage to give it all out but yea, we tried.

Throughout the trip, we did faced some long day and anxious moment where we buck up out awareness and do our best not to be cheated by the local because of those ugly stories we were told. And at one point we came out from one of the attraction in Udaipur only to realize that our driver is gone and all our luggages and passport are in the car! Not forgetting those awkward photo requests by the local, they treat you as if you were something that worth gazing on. Walk fast, no eye contact is definitely one of the first thing you will learn when you are at India. Most importantly, hold your hand tight.

India is a country full of contrasts – where the old and new, good and bad, rich and poor exist together, side-by-side. But It was incredibly inspiring to see how determined some were to take advantage of the opportunity to build a successful life for themselves and their families in that kind of situation. You see modern Delhi metro at one staircase away but yet down there men are unzipping their pants and urinating along the street wall. On the other hand, despite of its poverty, everyone on the street is wearing shirt and long pants. And perhaps most people there are living base on this principle, “Don’t worry, be happy, eat curry” (Which is true as we ate curry every day for that week). We were having a fantastic time in India, all the hotels and english-speaking guides have been top-notch and the food is second to none. What we want to say is these cities we visited were aesthetically a mess. But they work, sort of – at least for the people in them so judging is not needed here.

Its probably true to say that You can’t describe India, you can’t fully understand India. You have to feel India. Despite of how desperately I want to tell you my experience in India, here I will stop myself. The Taj, the people, and the culture in India is something one have to be experienced first-hand

And yea, we once thought we will be the one in hundred who doesnt get stomachache after the trip. But we were wrong. We did get stomachache, but still, it doesnt kill the fun. Not to mention the painful 8 hours on the plane where the angel got so sick and we have to request for seat changing so that she can lay down and rest.

2011-07-30T14:11:00.005+08:00

I met a guy this summer

His name is Sunil, a very down to earth guy. Humble, not much word from him but every word is from his life.

There was a quote I once read in Indian newspaper during the trip :"This city harden you, it teaches you to block out one thought and move on to the next." That was a phrase from a citizen after the Mumbai bombing incident. True enough, sadly too true to be reality for people who are living there.

He is in his 30s, have a one year old daughter. Life is tough, he only got to meet his wife twice a year. His hometown is 1270km away from Delhi, takes one whole day for train to arrive.

I used to be so lost where I didn't even know what's in front of me anymore until I meet this guy. His principle of life is what I had been looking for so long. Do what you should do, leave the rest to fate. Hold the belief, and prepare for the worst to come. Keep your dreams alive. Be good to everyone.

I am always amaze by the life of being a driver. Wondering what they have been through inside the small tiny window that separate them from the reality. In the car they see every bad and good things that happened without involving themselves. And there goes ten, twenty, or even forty years of life.

Actions are the seed of fate deeds grow into destiny. I always believe that. You grow a lemon, you got a lemon, simple as that. Life is complicated, but it shouldn't be. Living in reality tires people but what's more important is how to sneak yourself our from the "tough" life, and live on.

Along the trip I truly enjoy his company, his existence reassure me from being con and cheated by the local. Life is not easy there, but he manage to survive, and survive great as I can see.

So here is to you Mr Sunil, I wish you very best of your life to you and your family. People like you is hard to find in this dog eat dog world but I am glad that I met you. You put smile on your customer's face, that's the greatest one can do.

Good Luck

2011-06-06T18:18:00.003+08:00

Been to here and there for a month plus now. Saw a lot and exposed to a kind of life that I never knew I could fit in few years back.

But to tell the truth, my life is not bad. At least I am looking for every tomorrow to come. There might not be sunshine tomorrow but to know there are people around you to walk through it with you is enough. More than enough I shall say.

And here I declare, 5 countries, one month, camera, start....

now.

2011-05-02T19:35:00.002+08:00

You know, I strived for the last whole year for a better life that I can live in at this time. It kinda sucks when everything is still not on the right track for you.

Its kinda sucks when you know everything that you do is not worth it at all.
Its kinda sucks when you see someone once you knew the most now acting like dunno you at all.

And its kinda suck when everything fell and you are the only one to stand tall and carry the burden.

Burden is the word, and I am the man

2011-04-18T06:54:00.003+08:00

So this is to celebrate my 300th post in blogspot?
Hurray?

Exam mood is on but still, I made the move to blog here because there is something I wanted to write down here to remind myself.

Somehow the future vision is vague right now. Four years ago, I knew exactly what I am gonna do, with who, at where in my future. But now, its all in a mist.

Stumbled on this quote few days ago and I have to admit its so true yet so crucial in everyone's life.
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest lost is what dies within us while we live."

When everyone is chasing for new things in life, which one of them are actually preventing something from dying inside?

When you are holding the umbrella, what are you hiding for? The rain or the sorrow-ness in ur eye that could be easily seen by people?

And what is the thing you care most about in your life?
Facing all those rumors saying how the world is gonna come to an end and you know what, I am not terrified.
As oldschool as it may sound, I know what's gonna happen will happen eventually, with or without ur presence.

I dunno if the megaquack or the alien is coming tomorrow but there is one thing I can be sure of. That is we are closer to death day by day.

Giving up is not the right way, we are not coming this far to give up. We are here to move forward and become better everyday.

So put some smile on that face, its not what lying ahead or behind us that matter, its what lying between.

2011-04-05T07:03:00.010+08:00

This is not a post to glorify him.

Its not about genius-like-he-is or oh-how-good-looking he is.

This is about us, the crazy stuff that we did together, about the feeling of being together with him, with family.

He is simply doing something that I can only look up to.

It seems impossible that he had left home for almost ten years now

Our time spent together wasnt that many, but very much a blessing

I think the most important thing is we are always happy to do whatever we wanted.

And here is something I want to tell you long time ago,

You were the first one who got to study abroad on your own in the family. I don't know much about what happen at that time but still, I had all my regards with you. Because at that time, I thought that's something I would never had the chance to do.

I remember as a kid, I can never link myself with you. Somehow I don't feel the connection with you because of the physical and mental distance we had. The only reason I will feel happy for your returning home is merely because of the 10 or 20 bucks that you would give me. Or the special occasion where you will bring back a better CPU so that I could play games with you at that time

Due to the 5 years age gap we have got between us, there wasnt much to talk to you. If any, it will be the arguments. Then it proceed to a point where we start fighting, and not suprisingly you always won, which I know you are still proud of until now.

Many, like you, never get along with own younger brother well at teenager age. I always come to wonder how can you treat our cousin brother way better than me in every possible way you can think of. And trust me, once I thought it was because I am not chubby and cute enough.

Life in the family was run on strictly disciplined lines and all of us were instilled with a sense of responsibility and self-sufficienct. If you did good, you get reward, if you did bad things, you know what is to expect next.

In fact, I can still remember the time when only me, you and pa in the house and we went to the grocery store to get our own present. I wanted a watch that time, but it was too expensive so you suggested me to use a pen to draw watch on my hand. You were serious that time, I always know that. But still, those are the memories, and those are the things that kept me smiling alone at night.

Being the first born in the family is not easy, expectations and smothering always come high on any new parent’s to do list, they push everything and try to set up rules for the first one. Second borns have a much better chance of being normal. Thank you for exploring those road for me, for being the one who clear the path so that I wont fall down when I am walking behind you.

Thank you for guiding me in life, showing me how to behave as a person and a proper man of the world, being useful and strive for perfectness while putting family at the first place. It is one of the most useful things that you have equipped me with.

Never once have I heard you complaining about how difficult you life was or excuse yourself from some obligation because we had a poorer chance than other rich children. Its you who taught me when you want something, you got to work hard to get it. Or else you would just end up with nothing.

You live and shine in your own way. Thank you for your support. Till now, I still do remember the times when you were willing to use up some of your time to teach me to do homework, in hope that I am able to become someone that lives up to your standard.

I am a very fortunate man, and I have a lot.

Even though most of the memory we share is the time when you asked me to pack food for you at the restaurant near my house and the "butcher" story.

The night we laughed, ate the gummy bears that taste terrible, and had fun is a definitely a night to remember.

2011-04-04T10:57:00.022+08:00

There is one thing that I love about running.

You dun stand in front of the mirror before you run and wonder what the road would think about you

You dun have to listen to a joke and pretend that it is funny.

You dun have to put that mask on and pretend everything is right when you are running.

The track wouldnt notice if you do ur hair or dressed up like a star

He doesnt care how valuable are you to him, how many you can offer, and how similar you are to him

The only thing track care about is that you pay visit him once in a while. And thats all that matter, he doesnt judge, he doesnt criticize.

I am all physic and force.

No longer do I understand the names around me, though all of them remains distantly crucial. Deep down something missed, and will never come back again.

Like how you ate one awesome heavenly food first time, then only come to realize its actually not that good the second time.

Those names cause me pain, of course that is okay. I want the pain - as much as possible. Maximum sensation, before none.

Then it comes to a point where I realized to leave is the best way to prevent further damage.

And so I did. I quit to save myself. I would never pursue the pieces that had been broken. The fragility and desperation is not something that I want.

This is why I value my headaches, despite of its destructiveness.

Because after the pressure explodes the walls of selfhood, nothing will ever be the same again.

When I heard those words coming out from people's mouth I feel funny. Who are you to talk about the things that you were never in anyway?

The sense of self is just something that men wouldnt give up.

Who are you to comment on others when you are the one who do exactly the same thing?

At that time,

There is only the cool night air caressing my face, the sound of the snowbreeze, the heavenly vault , and the weightlessness of having finally put down a heavy object.

for a few second - a few strange, lovely second - the sensation is not unpleasant. If there is anything in my mind now, it is the vague sense of relief.

and the sound of footsteps leaving, never returned.

2011-03-03T19:24:00.014+08:00

我是一个2006 SPM华语科得B3的学生，今年22岁，就读加拿大卑诗大学三年级心理学

如果奖学金是你最大的忧虑。我可以告诉你，我华语得B3，但我还是拿到了奖学金

如果你对自己的前途和华文都有兴趣，那请你继续读完整篇文章

一直以来國民型中学生必须考华语是个不成文的传统。

所谓传統是指历史沿传而來的思想，道德，制度和習慣。

传統是个无形的规范。换句话说，传统是个无形中造就我们的虚体。

一旦传统被改变了，我们对自己的定义也必须要因此而转变。

我也曾和你一样在教室的窗前，凝视着四季都没有什么变化的校园，心里想着自己的前途，盘算着下一步该怎么走。

在这考华文与否的课题上我也确实徘徊过

面对最近的这个话题，我觉得说没有任何一方是错的。

我尊重华教的立场，同时也明白考生有决择的自由。

错的是现今的教育制度和考生心态

我想说

现今许多学生连正课时间都显得漫不经心，试问抛弃华文后他们还会尊重华语课的存在吗？

你可以不报考华语，但你不能放弃华文

毕竟华文是我们的根，也是华教最宝贵的资产，

放弃华文，更是华人华社绝对不能退却的防线

大门开了，小门还守得住吗？

我想说

如果你说拿华语科是赌上了你的前途

那我必须这样子告诉你，你舍弃华文是赌上了华教，国中，华社和你的民族

当你面前有阻碍时，应该做的并不是就此停步
而是绕道而行直到达到目标为止。

写到这里，我希望你们明白华文和华语的差别

华语仅是华文的其中一部分，我希望的是华人们都会尊重和爱惜华文。

我想说

当你想说出你心理感受但却因为自己文字造诣的局限而无从表达憋了老半天的时候，

能怪的，也只有当年那一个鲁莽的决定。

我不敢说我是个对华文很有热忱的学生，

可是在异乡留学，我依旧不放弃任何一个能学华文的机会

我只是一个平凡的留学生

正因为这份平凡，我选择了用我这一份力量去传承自己的文化。

我想说

如果最终的胜利是因为途中舍弃了一些难关，那这一种胜利我宁可不要

人的价值在于对社会的贡献
若人只会惧怕痛苦，惧怕种种疾病，惧怕不测的事情，惧怕失败和危险，他活着是为了什么呢？现在的我依然很光荣地告诉别人说我华语没拿A，因为我爱我的母语。虽然他在我成绩单上加了一个B，但是对我来说在成绩单上的那个"Bahasa Cina"印字才是最重要的。

我想说

当你要为华人争取权力却不知如何说华语时，那才是真正的悲剧。

如果是为了分数而考试，那不如不考

如果是为了奖学金而读书，那不如不读

如果是为了跟风而不选考华语科，那不如回家耕田算了。

最后我还想说，

如果母语教育没有放弃你们，你们就不应放弃自己

报考与否我不在乎，因为那是你们的前途。

重要的是要三思而后行，别让自己作出一个后悔莫及的决定。

如果在受教中途迷失了，要切记千万不能迷失自己

送上一句“志不强者智不达，言不信者行不果” 与大家共勉之

2011-03-02T14:47:00.006+08:00

The memory of me with my dad isnt that many, but there is a particular one that I wish to record down here.

It was raining heavily that day while we were on the highway after we dropped my brother off to his college. The rain was so horrible that neither of us in the car can barely see the road.

Some other cars chose to pull over because its just too dangerous to go on.

Just when me and my mum started to get nervous and worry of the road condition, he told me:

"Whenever you can't see the whats in front of you, just look at the white lines on the road, they will guide you to go further."

and that was the only sentence he spoke to me during that 7 hours journey.

I was really astonished by that word of him.

I remember as a kid, I can never see anything beyond the head light at night. But still I felt so safe cause I know my dad was the one who's driving.

Albeit of the terrible carsick I get when I was a kid, I can still see his back when he was driving. Protecting the family in his own way.

Then it comes to the point when I start to drive myself

The first time I drove for around 8 hours non stop in Ozland is something that I will never forget.

The murmuring voice beside my ears once I exceed 110km/h
Those aggressive trucks that overtook me again and again.
The dead silence when everyone fell asleep in the car.
Then ipod music I put on to prevent me from falling asleep.
And the faces of my family.
A lot of things came through my mind in that moment.
I realize I have started to give into this family.

Its not just a casual night-driving day for me. For me, its a day of growth.

And till now, I will always think of that word my dad told me when I was driving. Because he speaks so little, every word of him are so important to me.

Should you ever accidently ran into the wrong lane of life, look at the white line and you will walk straight back again.

He let me crawled and find my own ways of living so I know what suit me best.
Everyone have to fall down a few times before we learned how to walk.
It doesn't matter how others thought my father was; it matters who I remember how he was.

I must say, the greatest thing he ever gave me is his silence.
He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

2011-02-20T04:07:00.004+08:00

I used to like being complicated.

But I guess I was wrong, being complicated is not the thing I was looking for.

Being lively is.

Like how those old folks used to tell me, the best thing about something is having none of it at all.

And I think i had found it now [:

2011-01-24T14:33:00.011+08:00

These few days had been messy for me.

Despite of all the good things happened and happening in this moment, somehow I feel empty inside.

Pure surviving doesnt make you a human, but living does.

Maybe its because of the fact that I cant go back for the third year in a row now for the most special event of the year.

I am not ranting nor this kind of experience is new to me.

In fact, I learned a lot of things in these three years and I really appreciate the moment.
Everything.

I always been told that tough things are for the tough guy so if you can bear with this little sacrification, eventually your name will be spell out equally with the word "successful".

Looking back into past few years I felt like I am always trying do things for people around me, not that I despise the way it was but I recently only come to think what is it in me that I truly want. I attended and tried everything possible around me, and I learned everything that come into my way.

You name it, I do it. This had been me for these few years.

I am not writing this to tell that I am the master of everything-you-can-think-of in life. But I tried to make something out of my writing. Hope that somewhere sometimes or some corner my words would influence someone and make a positive impact to someone. Or at least, result something in you. I wouldn't say I want to change someone, because thats not my primary intention. And changes is made within a person, not by external forces.

I used to think money is everything. So I chase it then come to realize that a lot of things are more important in my life. And that include you, you and you who are now reading this at this moment.

Now I am at the point of my life to think that even if I die with shitload of money, what will people remember me for?

Once there was a guy told me:
你是一个不是大好就是大坏的人

and yea, I think maybe he is true.

It cost you nothing to dream, but everything not to.

2011-01-21T12:06:00.007+08:00

I always have an interest on garderning. Growing a flower, to be specific.

But the thing about growing flowers is no matter how much loves and cares you invested, it will wither anyhow. The good will come after those hard work but sadly and unevitably, bad follows.

Yet, everyone still goes for it. With the realization that it will leave you one day, they still try their best to extend the blossoming period.

I used to had a plant at home. Its my habit to water it everyday when I could because I really like that plant. Sometimes I will just sit under the tree aand do nothing. The mere presence of that tree makes me feel safe. Under the tree I just have to be myself and not have to act according to characters. With that tree, I feel strong.

But then things changed. Or should I say changing? I dun get to go back home that often as time goes by. It started with me having to leave home for two days, then slowly one week, then half month, and now 8 months. I witnessed how it changed everytime I went back . And I always ask my mum did they do anything to that tree and the answer is always no.

It just change.

But the truth is, I did like the way it grow for the first two years when I was able to care for it wholeheartedly. Its just so perfectly lined up and to be honest I would stay at my home forever just because of that tree. But then when I got away from home to pursue for further education. It doesnt goes on to the way I wish anymore.

The first year going back the tree is cool as it is, then I start to ignore it. I forgot its existence and I just left it grow at the backyard. The feeling of not watering it anymore is just in me, I was already used to treat it as how it is that time. Heck! Once you started to take things for granted, you wont stop.

Eventually, it comes to a point where I even forgetten how the seed was planted at the very first place.

Then until last year when I went back home I realize it was gone. The tree was bitten by pests so my family have to remove it from the backyard.

And to date, I still miss that tree and how that tree had taught me those untold lesson. Without this period of my life, I would be nothing.

And now?

Life goes on

You cant stop running once you started. Like how you cant stop breathing after you were born.

Back then I always will say this is "the best day of my life", but is that really?

I was 17 years old back then and there's still a long way to go in my life

To be honest, I would rather don't want to have the best day of my life yet.

If it happened already, what would be my life after that?

Knowing that the best was in your past is scary. There would be no point of living after that

I now live because there is a certain hope inside me.

"So, don't bring this day to me, cause I want to dream about it for the rest of my life"

My life had been on treadmill all the while. And it will still be. Its never simple, and I will never want it to be.

2011-01-17T13:04:00.004+08:00

Dear all my family and friends,

There are something that I hope that I can tell you all. And trust me, I wouldnt exchange a truth for a friendship or a family member. Those are the thing that I care the most. But its just not the time yet. I wish I can know the result earlier too but the problem is its just impossible.

This is that moment. The moment that people say might very well be the time where it could change ur life totally, for better or worse. Which in this case, the latter.

Just hope the best out of it. And when its time. I will tell.

Thank you.

2011-01-13T13:22:00.011+08:00

Here is what sum up my 2010.

Its a new start of many things. Some lessons are best learned through pain. I lost some and of course gained some in return.

Some things started and ended as well in this year. There are some that I am glad I didnt start it at all. One thing to note that I realize there is so many side of me that no one really know about. Not even myself. When I am showing different emotion, it tends to be a different me. And so I come to conclude, maybe its best to go back to the one that know me the most. Let everything follow the flow.

I guess I had lost something that I hold most dear in my life. And of course gained something in return. Its not that I didnt try, but when something is gone, it is. But I guess things change, as how people do as well. I always come to think myself how can someone once so close and wave goodbye to you just like that. I was never the one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new.
But trust me, my memory still remain at where we used to share and laugh together.

Not surprisingly, I sleep through most of the days in 2010.

June, I had the best trip of my life so far. I must say I learn so much more about my family through this trip. What can I say? I am nothing without them. Its not until recent year I start to feel the bond with him. Albeit the distance and the latitude, just knowing that there is someone at the other side of the world sharing the same blood is enough. Recalling the time when I was driving from Sydney to Melbourne is nolstagic. Thats the time when I realized I am now at the age of taking care my family.

I am not a saint nor a superman, I am just one member of this family.

To quote what he said;

"The fundamental of our brotherhood was built on nothing but a corollary of the maternal parenthood. The brotherhood we had is not simply an adherence to biological connection, it is an outgrowth of fraternal covenant."

2010 is the year I started to set goals for my life. I had to do something in my life. And that something has to be recognizable.

Travelling around has been the thing that I keep on doing for summer. It doesnt really matter where you go, but who you go with.

I learned that every beautiful thing has thorns. It might be good to keep on doing one thing that benefit yourself, but eventually you will get caught and hurt yourself. To date, this is the biggest challenge that I face in my life.

Puntured a few times in the year, but saw and learned a lot of things in the process.

Vancouver 2010. Paralympic closing ceremony, it striked me hard that if they can do it, why not me? Where there is a will, there's a way

Set my foot in 7 countries and a few different continent. Ate quite some amount of food, got a know a few friends. Travelling is always a part of me, I always like to feel the scent of different culture and living style.

Haiti Earthquake 2010. A catastrophic 7.0M earthquake hit Haiti and approximately 3 millions people were affected. Those aid from all over the world is really heart warming. There is still hope and love in this planet. Our donation might be little but still, it helps.

Sushi. I believed I ate for more than 300 salmon sushi for the whole year.

Thailand trip 2010 is particularly interesting to me. The day before I was still lying on bed thinking where to go, the next, I am already in Thailand, it usually doesn't take long for me to do a decision. To say "see first" is not me, and I would rather do more things in life than to regret afterward.

Meet up with this guy after one year not seeing each other. He is still the same, and I think I am too. What surprise me the most is how much we growed in this one year. We shared a lot and I am really glad that I can still tell him everything.

2011, its time for me to strive for my future.

New year resolution? I have none I guess. Things change too fast that I didnt even know what will happen then next second. So this is all I did for 2010, what about yours?

2010-12-10T17:45:00.002+08:00

Winter kinda sucks big time.

Ever experience the good feeling after getting A for essay you worked hard on then suddenly drop back to emo state after few hours?

It was all hope and light then the power got cut off, leaving the spot filled with darkness and loneliness
Maybe I just need someone by my side. :S

Good night world.

2010-12-09T15:40:00.002+08:00

Looking back at those post that once I thought I misunderstood and now knowing I was right is kinda painful to me.

But at least I had done something I should have done at that moment to prevent further damage.

Lost time is never found again, time doesnt delay but I did.

Randomly hopped onto a bus to find a place where I belong tonight but I couldn't find any. Or maybe its because I just want to find a place that I am not familiar with I think I know too much for now. Much of what I can handle.

But the bus wont stop, it goes on and on without my knowing, or its just that I choose to ignore it. Its like looking at the same old clock that stop at 10:15 in the morning. Seeing it telling you the same time every moment there give you the same old fuzzy feeling. But things just aint the same anymore.

Its like the half truth that you know but you couldn't know for sure. Something has to be done at some time. They say big things are for the big guy, therefore was I ready to take the world with me and then collapsed in front of it. I am glad that it did happen. Not that I love experiencing sad thing, but c'est la vie, life is never simple.

Just realize that I hasn't pen down my thoughts for a while in here now.

Here is it, my feeling at this exact moment.

Je suis heureux que je n'ai pas d'espoire.

2010-12-05T07:42:00.005+08:00

I saw so many differences faces everyday.

Looking at those faces somehow guide me to reach into my heart and really think.

My life have been pretty much on a threadmill. I guess I cant stop, and in fact I doesn't want to stop. All my life I had been trying to improve my innate abilities. Stop learning and ignoring those unknowns is definitely the last thing I will do.

The good thing of being young is that you can do whatever you want.
Looking back to my old life, the only thing that stay the same was the dreams I dreamed.

To make a different.

My dreams had once been robbed by the reality of life and now I finally gained it back. I swear I will use all I have got to protect it.

I love thinking, I always am.

If one day I were to refrained from thinking I think I might just kill myself.

I tend to be caught up with my thinking everytime. I realize I actually lost the ability of thinking nothing right now. Anytime anywhere, there must be thoughts in my head.

Its interesting how one can rediscover the pleasure of carrying out the simple tasks, especially when knowing that all around, whenever one looks, are symbols of death. Doing something we love is live. But to live out a life it requires you to be living.

These blog posts, regardless of their worth, are a part of me now.
I have always been proud to be a Malaysian and a citizen of Malaysia and have carried myself with the awareness that I too, can contributed to the developing of this nation sometime at some place. So I strive to help this nation, save is not a word to be use here because I know my country doesn’t need saviour, it needs help instead. None of the country in this world is perfect.

But bring the country close to perfection is what every citizen should work on.

Every man determine who he becomes.

I am well aware of my limitations as a student and as a person. All my striving to improve daily cannot fully overcome those limitations. But despite these failings, I seem to have done some good, and that cheers my heart. When time's up, at least I did try.

I am not sure when exactly is the time I started to redefine my life.

I rediscovered myself as a creature not powerless but, in fact, equipped with the will to redefine my own course in history.

I was brought up in a family that taught me if you want to get what you need, you have to fight for it.

And the lack of government’s concern in some sense made it clear to me that I would have to live by my intuition. That was a fact I learned to accept.

It also trained me to not fallen into the habit of taking everything for granted.

You cant expect everyone to be happy under a nation, some will have to strive to prove their existence. Being able to fulfill one’s most basic biological need does not yet make a man; that makes him a biological creature, an animal.

When you start to fullfill your own dream, thats is when you start to live.

2010-12-04T18:02:00.005+08:00

Its hard for one to realize what happiness is.
Happiness does not consist in not having things that you would like to have, but in liking the things you do have. In other words, being satisfied with what you’ve got.

This stream of warmness is exactly what I need in the midst of coldness. The wound will heal one day, but its essential to not allow wound to come in touch with poison.

There is something in life that you can never look back and you shouldnt.

Letting despair take hold on you is not the wise choice

The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.

Showing no emotion didnt mean that everything is fine, things are really gone when you are ready to face it and feel nothing to it.

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. Put your future in good hands and dun destroy your own dignity.

If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price. You have to love yourself because at the end its the only thing that belongs to you. We cant bring anything more than our body when we leave this world.

Loving yourself is a prerequisite to creating a successful and authentic union with another. Dun ever try to get something that are not urs anymore. Strolling over roses is bad, you hurt urself and also those roses. If it hurts, it definitely is not for you.

If you live in inferiority,
you will only learn to accept and say yes.

Don't forget to love yourself. Like how you had loved someone else in this world.

2010-12-02T16:40:00.004+08:00

Friends come and go. But alas, thats life. But to know that separating is inevitable, thats the hard part.

We used to share so much laughter on the dining table. He brought me a totally new point of views that I had never seen before.

He taught me how to see the invinsible and how to smell the sounds around me.

He told me that until I read between the line, then I will only start living.

With his existence around me I remain questioning and appreciating everything.

Its not hard to get one friend, but it is to get a friend like him. At least so far in all those days that I had lived, he is one of a few that gave me that kind of feeling. Reminiscing those moment where we sing together loudly in room gave me nostalgia feeling. I know those moment will only be found in our brain. And knowing that fact that nothing will ever be the same again kinda makes me feel sad.

To have someone that have instant connection with you is not easy, especially when it is comprised of two person from totally different background.
And perhaps what we share is beyond friendship, even beyond the meaning of life.

At some point in our life we will be at the cross road of making choices, maybe once or twice we will be heading the same direction but its impossible to make the same choice all over life. There he is, making his choice for life.

To say he is good is implying that I am better that him thus I can comment of him.

and to say that I am proud of himwould be to belittle him. Being proud of him would imply that I already had the skills that he is attaining.

That is not the case.

He is doing things that I simply cannot do. He has a skillset that I will never have. It would be more honest to say that I am proud of myself for being part of the person he is becoming, for not getting in his way, for giving him every support that I can give.

He is something beyond, should he be not born in this era, he will definitely be one of the greatest person on earth that we often read in the textbook right now.

To you my friend, I hope you can get whatever you want in your life.

To us, may we all meet in another stage of our life and telling each others our own story.

Good luck.

2010-11-18T08:40:00.002+08:00

Walking down the road today I think to myself. Is there really such thing as unconditional love? Not being religion wise here but really is there any?

I would say the love to self is really the only unconditional one. Whatever you do, you will still love yourself. Even for those who totured themselves to dead, they are still doing it out of love because of the belief of toturing will bring them to who-knows-where. We cant love others more than we love ourself. At least thats what i think.

I know what I want in my life. But still, I constantly questioning about this. I examined myself everyday for I am not a perfect person and I know I never will. I know exactly the dos and don'ts for me to reach the goal of my life. But still sometimes I will do the don'ts because I know if I do enough of dos, eventually I will still get what I want. I never surrender to the word impossible.
If tomorrow never comes, I will still be glad because I have did enough of my part today.

Things start to change since I came here. I realized a lot of things doesnt really matter to me anymore. I can have this momentary happiness feeling grow from seeing people acting nice to others but as I take another glance looking deeper inside the intention I realized its all fake. As much as I feel like leaving this place for good but still I love this place. Its like how hard to get you to go jogging but on the halfway of jogging you will start to love it. This time of my life does have its purpose on me. We all were borned with questions. And what we do is to answer every question in life that we had.
I finally learned to not take marks as something that matters so much in life, rather I value the knowledge that I take home. I know in the future what I want is not about how much I scored for the test but how well I know about how this world operates.

I am a fond believer of discipline myself and acting kind to the other people. So I will jump out from this physical me and start to analyze everything I did. For better or worse, at least I tried.
I believe somehow there is someone that destined a path for us. And what we have to do is to find out where is it and walk till the very end.

But human are 'wierd', truth is only for those who choose to believe it. We all choose what we want to believe in life dun we? In that way we will feel so much better than having to believe something that is incongruent with our innate beliefs.

Its fall season now, the weather is getting colder as how my mind is now.
You have no sun, no squirrels, no T-shirt, no picnic, no leaves, no flowers. But what can you expect? Its NOvember!
Only when the road are full with leaves then we start to realized how amazing those trees used to be. It takes us three seasons to really look up to the sky and start to appreciate the nature around us.

They say autumn is the time of harvest, and I am. For knowledge.

I love autumn because of the smells that you can see and the vision u can sniff.
Its fall season. With death comes reincarnation. Its a new start for everything.

2010-11-11T15:28:00.006+08:00

Ray Fredman is a bright student. He scores almost all A's in his classes. He knows exactly whats good in him and whats not good in him. For those thing that he is bad at, he doesnt even bother trying to improve it. Being specific is what counts, being a know-all-but-average-people is probably the last thing he would try to do in this world.

Then comes Dong Sheng, he is from rural area. He believe that not everything one knows need be spoken aloud. Being raise in a single minded peasant society, he got no dreams and no vision. For him, being simple is the best thing you could ever have in this world. In fact, he couldn't afford to be not simple because of the limitation of his surrounding

Chung Yong is a brilliant male in sports. He knows only the language of "I am better" and "I am the best", winning or losing is a vital matter. Winning is attributed to own ability and losing is the cause of environment. For he is, probably the best in everything you can imagine in this world.

Mariam is a computer genius, he follow a systematic rule in his life. Waking up at 7 o'clock in the morning and sleep at 12am. The only thing that differentiate him with a machine is that he consume food while machine only consume oil or electricity.

Benjamin is a soccer fans. He is an atheist. Wind is the best noun to describe him. Whenever there is the present of cinders, he is there to spark the fire up. He likes to help people. But he doesnt like to take up the responsibility. For him, taking advantage of someone is nothing. He believing in throwing-things-to-others-to-keep-your-arse-clean.

These five peoples made up a community. In fact, they can represent the whole society. You might think some of them are not desirable traits but are they really? At some point of our life we will have to choose sides. No matter which side you choose, you gave up the other. And there is no one can tell you which side is the correct one except yourself.

Self is the easiest thing to please, by saying a lie, our heart will automatically subside. And make itself believe what just happened was justifiable.

If you are not happy with someone else attitude up their, you have no right to blame it on them. Because in this world, there must be someone who particular like that attitude.
If there is a person to blame, that would be you, for not tolerate enough

Its not possible to reach a point where right or wrong were replaced by a single concept

In fact, all we had was soy sauce in here, just different method of extraction.

2010-10-28T12:13:00.004+08:00

I finally got the time to sit down and put all my thoughts together.
It been a tough month, but I really enjoyed it.
It actually does feels like months.

Some people rush into our life and left. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And there is one thing that will never change, ourself. Nobody can deny the fact that we hold the ownership of it. To someone out there, please do take good care of yourself. Saying "I will be ok" and "I will be happy" is not the right way.
"will be" and "am" is two very different thing. When you say you are happy, you are. And you have to believe that you are happy.
They say you laugh because you are happy. I say you are happy because you laughed. Some people pursue for happiness, but I think we are all able to create it ourself.

Appreciate the moment. When you heard everyone is waiting for that "moment" to come. Dun wait, its already here. This is the very "moment", for now is, the next minute is, and every following minute is.
If you want to be happy, be.

Dun ask the question "Why does this happen to me" unless you ask the same question for joys that come into our way.
That is, when you are really start living.

2010-10-08T10:48:00.005+08:00

Words are like knives. It can easily penetrated into your heart without any sense of mercy.
You can pretend that you don't care at all, but deep inside its there. And its gonna be there for a long time until you really get over it.

If you follow my blog for quite some time, its not hard to find that I am a rather sentimental person. But the fact is this sentimental part of me always keeps itself hidden from the real world. Sometimes I keep a lot of thoughts to myself. Its not that I am being selfis. To tell the truth, some words are not meant to be spoken.
Even when you shout it out loud, its not neccessary that people would believe in you.

I believe the world is always in an equilibrium and thats how it rolls.
Happy and sadness are the same.

Most of the time I am happy, but when I am alone, I gave some time for sadness to come in and conquer me.

Its me.
This is how I was brought up with, and this is gonna be how I end up with.

2010-10-04T08:14:00.004+08:00

Ever had this sudden realization on something that could be so beautiful?
Its a kind of feeling that strike you in second but left its mark permenantly on you.
The fact is, its been there you for years but you never really know about its existence.

Funny eh?

2010-09-27T10:52:00.004+08:00

Some people around told me that they have characters whom they never would have chosen had they choice over their history.
For me one's background and history is what build up who he/she is right now. Every incidents in life counts, including how you close the door this morning or even how you kicked away the rock that get in your way.

So I come to think about what consituted me. What exactly am I made of. Looking at those food product in the grocery saying "made in XXXX" makes me fall into deep thought myself. Where was I made in? And what in my life that make me feel that I am half eastern and half western right now?

There is no doubt about what I characterized myself as and where I recognized as home. But its the inside that haunted me. As more time spending at foreign country, I think the osmosis effect happen too me. For good or bad, I assimilated into the culture where people get drunk all day long, having only specialize in one thing but not the other, and all-you-can-think-of.

I realize that I start to note about the pros and cons about this world. There are always two ways of answering question. Culture is like water to us, and we are the fish.
Without having to leave the water, we wouldnt even know the existence of water. But when we were forced to leave the water, we will realized how comfortable the water was and how ignorant we were for not being able to point out the pros and cons of the medium.

I still remembered the moment where I sat down alone in the paddy field. The moment imprinted on me the sense of Malaysia as my home, the sense I have never been able to recover anywhere else in the world so far.
Every other place is foreign after this moment.

It always takes an absence for us to know how precious present is. Isnt it ironic how people never cherish the previous "good" moment and only regret afterward?

Shirley Lim, to me she is a totally westernized figure, but whats makes me different from her? There are time I try to ask am I really a Malaysian too.

If me isn't spell by only "m" and "e", what is, me then?

2010-09-16T07:32:00.005+08:00

Its been a week since I came back here.
Surprisingly many things still remain the same. Or maybe its actually under the comparison that I actually changed a lot. I felt as if every year I come back with the same body but different mind.
There are something that I thought I wouldnt care, but turns out i really care about .
so here I am, start on the blogging routine again.

I think I had already been through the stage where you will have sudden realization in your life that you had been sleeping through the previous years in your life. I feel alive and really living. Even a small event occured in bus can easily pick up my interest towards it.

Sometimes I still look back to the time where I was so determined to settle down with one girl and to form a family. For me now that is really an act of impulse. I now understand whats with the "too young too make decision" thing that I used to hear so much during my teenager year.
As painful as how the life is like, people have to still go on.

Dun get me wrong, its not that I refuse to settle down. Its just that there are still so much to see in this world and I think I still need time to discover the beauty of it.

Remember how I say I want to be more alive and live out every bit of my life?

I think I did it.

2010-08-03T10:52:00.005+08:00

So I went back from this 4th Malaysian Student Leaders Summit held in Nikko hotel.
I didnt gave much of thoughts before entering this conference nor reasearch anything about it.

But the fact is I did enjoy it.

It brought up those "sensitive" issues that are so crucial and critical for this country. I rarely blink my eyes because once your mind got taken away, you will be missing out a lot in occasion like this.

"He" told us he doesnt have the historical luggage and he lives in the realm of reality.Another "he" says he is not racist and he loves us all.And the third "he" comes out and say the people are fedup and tired of racial political.But they all do agree on one thing, WE NEED A CHANGE.

I have friends of different races, but we never talked about how unequally we are being treated, because we know thats something we were borned with so we learn to accept it.

But deep down inside, YES, we know something is not right and we need to fix it. And by we I mean the future we by the time we put our feet in this circle.

To be frank, I would very much like to go up to the front and ask three of them. Would any of them ever be willing to take me (a chinese) as their son and treated me as the same as their owns.

For that is, the greatest love one can give. If they say yes to this, I am so sure that nothing will ever be the problem again.

As long as the problem of unity has not reach, the steelyard, I believe, will still be balancing itself with unequal arms length.

And as long as I feel the strangeness of being addressed by others a "chinese" instead of a "Malaysian"

I sincerely believe, we still have so much more yet to overcome.

1Malaysia. Good luck.

2010-07-28T13:18:00.004+08:00

This is something I ought to write for so long but i never been able to do so until now. Maybe its because I dunno how to start it at all.

I once heard that "a friend in power is a friend lost". But hey, arent we already been through that together? We spent quite some sleepless nights together helping others but why not even a few lines now?

We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection. True friend is something that can grow separately but without growing apart from each other.

"True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen."
"Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks"
And now, I think it is cracking.

I understand the fact that the only way to have a friend is to be one. So I always try hard to be one. I know perfectly well that everyone has different stages in life that they have to go through. But forgetting each stage after you stepped through is not something understandable for me. If there is a book for it, I would very much like to read it.

True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. A single flower could be a garden for me, and in turn a single friend could be a world for me. We could have darn a lot of friend but to have intimate friend you can only have a few. Having recently found out the deterioration of this friendship, I feel sad.

I didn't even have the courage to initiate anything. Its like something is lost between us

Its heart wrenching to see a once strong friendship deteriorated to such a fragile state. The feeling is just not that right anymore. There used to be an energy field between us, but now. Its long gone.

Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. I hope I will never have to reach the last part of this equation. Its a mutual thing anyway, by chance we met, and by choice we choose to be good friend.
I take our friendship as a gift, just like how I treasure my own life.

If you found this friendship somewhere, please help me to water it, because it needs it badly

Perhaps its just forgotten at a corner. I wish it is.

To you, maybe it is nothing.
To me, it is the bleakness of mortal realm.

2010-07-18T20:55:00.004+08:00

I like to ask my friend this question

"What do you want in ur life"

Some asked for a life without any worries, some ask for a life with luxury, and some say as long as everyone is happy, he/she will be.

Everyone has their different views on life and how to live out a life themselves.

It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth ,and there is no way of knowing when is it end, only we live life to the fullest. But its too late.

Some always getting ready to live but never really living

It is not about the length of life, but the depth.

You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl and realized how the world is like, and drop into your grave. And that is, as cruel as it is, LIFE.

An useless life is an early death, at least thats what I think.

There is an old chinese saying
"A kind of rice can rear hundred kinds of people"

For me thats wrong, that should be much more than that.

"Every man dies. Not every man really lives."

2010-05-15T11:30:00.003+08:00

今天又去和外公喝茶
有种淡淡的感触

他还是一如以往的抽烟
烟抽到尽时
发现他抽的是寂寞和往事
虽说每次见面都是说一样的话
但心还是感概的
毕竟这是一种没法用钱买回来的幸福

他眼神露出智慧是我遥不可及的
我把它的一字一句都听得很仔细
用一句很古老却很实用的话
“他吃的盐比我吃的米还多“
他的那份坚持也让我打从心里的敬佩他

毕竟能在树下乘凉的幸福
并不是每个人都能有的

2010-05-02T13:15:00.001+08:00

Its now the time of the year.

I am going back. Have tonnes of plans

Yes I am

2010-04-25T04:51:00.002+08:00

Saw this picture on the internet days ago, I think its interesting so I save it to my computer and share it with you all

Nobody is happy unless you are satisfied with what you already have.

Stop jealousing and start loving.

I might not be updating this blog that often when I go back Msia. Its just how the way it is. Life is bigger than online back in Msia. But at here online is like my everything.

Till then. Good luck everyone for whatever test you had, having or will be having.
(This is why sometimes english is better than mandarin)

2010-04-23T06:16:00.000+08:00

Only few days more.

Good luck everyone.

2010-04-14T11:03:00.005+08:00

There are two times when I will drop into deep thought myself.
When I bath and when I run.

One of the reason why I like running is because you can do it alone. People around you doesnt have to adjust themself to fit your time, your stamina, and your pace. Or the other way around.
This is one thing that you can do alone at anytime.
You don't have to ask other to run with you because you can do it perfectly well without others to accomodate you.

I managed to set my personal best here recently. It was beyond words.
The pace, the breath, the time, and everything is just so right for me.
Shoes does matter. It reduce the time up to 4 seconds.
Not forget the social facilitation theory as well.
With the right shoes, I can do so much more.
I think that apply to life too, with the right people beside you, you gain so much more without having to do more.
I finally have this epiphany telling me that its not the physical thing about running that I love, it also is the mental process.
It was broken, and it still is. But I gonna fix it.
I have never been so sure about what I want before but I do now.
And I gonna go for it. No matter what it takes.

2010-04-13T04:32:00.005+08:00

Sometimes you know its a trap, but you will still allow yourself to fall into it and sink.

That really is life.
Deep inside I know that nothing is impossible.

I know if you want something, you will get it if you worked hard enough.

아마나는 바보 야, ou peut-être sa-il encore.

Life ask you to keep off, but still human choose to jump inside.

And I am just a homosapien.

2010-04-08T06:18:00.001+08:00

Ever have a thought that waking up in the morning and feel like running out to the road and let the car crashed into you so that you wont have to worry about anything anymore?

I am having that thought now.

And dun worry, I am okay, for now.

2010-04-05T10:19:00.006+08:00

Seriously I wish I never have to write this thing down.

This is to mark down what I feel and what I think for these three years in this circles.

Trust me, I had tried hard enough to get into the group that once I doesnt , and probably never will belong to.

Its funny how relationship will slowly deteriorate up to a point.

I witnessed how ignorant and arrogant can one be. I am not a perfectionist myself, so when I start to get annoyed by something, you can imagine how wrong the situation is like.

The point is, if you are keeping it to you and your so called "friend" I am totally ok with it. I know how variety this world is. I have been there. But if you crossed into my boundary, I wont be the one who just keeping quiet and aint doing a shit thing. I will rebel.

I will make sure you know the consequences if you offended me.

Saying others is inferior than you is wrong.

Waiting others to do something good to you is wrong.

Assuming you have the most hectic workloads in the world is wrong.

Acting as if everyone needs you is wrong.

Being sarcastic at the back and turn drastically to be the good man in front is wrong.

Commenting on others while you are just the same is wrong.

Being stubborn and never listen to anyone is wrong.

With so many wrong things happening in my life everyday, Sometimes I dun even know what is right anymore. I am how I think. What I do to you is exactly how I think about you.

I tried so hard to understand why would there be so much differences when we are all human. Bragging about how tough his/her life is and saying to the world that he is the best, acting as if the world owe him/her everything he deserved, taking advantage of other people for his/her own sake, never appreciate what others had done for him and etc.

So I come to a conclusion myself, to be this high, you need to be weird enough. There is only a few hundred in the country who make it to this point. To reach here, I know you have to have something.

Remember, the world or people around you doesnt owe you anything.

Thats how u should live your life. Its not a playground, in fact everyone can treat you like a dog on the street. We can donate our things to you, but you wont get anything anymore if you never bark or shake ur tail after we gave you the bone.

Upon writing this I was still thinking of saving some to maintain the relationship within the group. But now I know I dun anymore.

2010-03-31T11:27:00.003+08:00

Songs is always something in my life.

When I feel sad, I listen to it

When I feel happy, I listen to it.

And even when I go to toilet, I will listen to it too.

Its the thing you can access to antyime. When everything around you is not right, put your earphone on and the world will be yours again.

I am that kind of people who can listen to one song over and over again in certain time without getting bore with it. But its temporary. So my favourite song tend to change once in a week.

There are some song that actually marked the stages I had been through in my life.

They all have certain meaning to me. When the rhytm starts, I tend to fall into deep thoughts myself.

I call it learning. The learning of every stage of your life.

你记得吗 by 胡彦斌

Its like the first chinese song I start to hear. It has certain meaning for me. If there is a word for it, it would be naive.

The second one would be I believe (My sassy girl theme song)

Whenever I play the song on my ipod, I will have a special feeling. It feels like I did something bad, but it was because I was still not mature enough to handle anything serious.

And of course, I can remember those scenes in the movie. It is still on of my favourite movie till now.

The third one is Pretty boy by M2M

This song represent the downest moment of my life. But still, I am glad that this song come to me. It makes me grows up a lot.

The fourth one is 朋友-周华健

Its not about anything in the song that make this song special. Its about when and where I sing it. And the moment I sing it. This song marks the end of sweet 16 in my life. Out of all, I think this is the one I love the most after all these years.

The fifth one is 隐型的翅膀-张韶涵

What I like is the pureness and the feeling. The word for it would be dream. The dream of striving for a better future.

And the last one is Selfish-N'sync

The lyric is just perfect. The word for it would be miracle. There isnt a lot of miracle in my life, but I am luckily enough to have this one as miracle. =)

But one song never gets old to me.

The song name is "Lee Lung", I can play it anyway I like, with my own story in it. Its noisy sometimes, but still, I like it a lot. And I have never worry how long the song is, because when the time comes, it will stop itself.

2010-03-28T10:27:00.004+08:00

I am quite surprise when I heard "You have the look" again from a new friend of mine today.

Somehow I thought its something that people will only realize when they actually talked to me.

"the look" is the so called psychology look.

Its like N times that I heard this from my friend and I am still wondering what in me that potrait myself as having that look.

Maybe I really look like one, talk like one and write like one.

But one thing I can be sure is. I never regret of choosing this, and never will.

2010-03-20T03:58:00.002+08:00

Maybe fairytales do exist in this world, but only those with bad ending

It came fast, but it goes away faster

This week I had been through a lot.

I dun even know what define me.

Life is a journey of learning, whether you succeed or not , you learnt anyhow.

Meanwhile, I am glad that it happen afterall.

The olympic has come to and end. Everything is back to normal here, like how my life is now.

Things stay the same.

And I am still the same.

2010-03-16T08:36:00.003+08:00

Sometimes when something comes, you just cant do anything to prevent it.
我不希望你会被伤害，平平凡凡就好。重点我的儿子快乐，不要被人耍

16 March 2010 01:02am
I cried.

2010-03-11T14:20:00.004+08:00

Just wanted to say there are a lot of thing I felt like going back to the time and fix it.

Its not what dictionary classified as "regret". If you think I am, I am not. Sometime I am just thinking what I could have done to make the life now a total different episode. Some people come at the wrong time, and there are always some wrong people come in at the right time as well.

Thats just what life is, you can never get the best because this is the only way to keep you alive and chasing what you want.

But when you have got the best, you would dream of better.

Its just human, the reason why human were different from any other things.

At times, I would miss you, and I would miss those moment.

I know exactly where to reach you, but I just cant touch you anymore.

Instead of saying you are my best friend, I would say you belongs to the family. And you are one little thing that I am now not able to hold in life. When you choose to go, I expect the worst of you. I hope you are better in the other place now.

I really hope you do. I love you. You will be missed.

When the dawn is near, I know its the time to let you go.

2010-03-06T13:39:00.004+08:00

Since I came here I always have a question to myself.

Why cant I score high grade in exam or even a small test?
At first I was blaming this to my poor english standard. But as the time goes and my english skill is building up, I dont see any improvement in my grade still.

I feel like its not something I can control within me anymore. No matter how hard I try to study for a subject I feel like its impossible to go beyond the gate that I had "technically set" for the first test result I had here. Thats just it.
Its like having something in your hand, but you can never have more because its too far away from you.

C'est la vie, n'est ce pas?

Being in Arts is funny, your professor will tell you that grammar isnt really the main subject in exam's essay, the most important is your idea. But the truth is grammar does a great shitload of things. Even if you doesnt know anything about the question, you can still squeeze something out and get some marks, or even full marks.

I am not the one who really care about the marks. But the point is I just want to find a reason why is that so. I study for the content rather than test. I study whenever I feel like it.

Currently learning how to solve rubik's cube faster and learning korean. Why? Because I feel like learning it.

:) cinquante-huit journee a maison

2010-02-22T17:36:00.006+08:00

Picture says it all, cuteness overload!!!

Sometimes I will ponder about the pros and cons of olympic.

Its good cause everyone come here and spend money.

But I really dun understand why the clothing brand need to prostitude themself to the event. What is the skating shoes do with the cloth? Cant they just dress up the doll normally?
And basically every shop does it. WHY?

Anyway, its just my two cents. No offence

2010-02-21T08:08:00.003+08:00

主運(青龍方)解說：
管大環境．家庭中風格．腦中思想您的主運為以下論述：
屬精打細算、愛財取之有道型，城府深，又好面子，桃花頗多。為人逍遙自在，慷慨大方，但稍有懶散拖延情形，人緣好、樂助人應酬多，勤奮認真，決定之事不容易更改，意志堅忍一意孤行，這種個性容易大成大敗，為人不甘平淡，一生變化大，傾向投機、有橫發事業出現，易有出人意料能成功，一夜如遇貴人成名滿天下。如遇小人一生多難、浮沉不定，多疾多糾紛起伏難定。

此數為貴人之數，此數之人最易患車關，喜歡和朋友往外跑、到處玩，若配局不當，最容易發生車關，在外格，異性緣好，又是坐享其成之人為人聰明、反應快，自尊心強，有領導能力，重承諾，謙和有禮、人緣佳。

副運(砂手方)解說：
管夫妻關係．做事過程．人生規劃您的副運為以下論述：
子女們有意志消沉的傾向，個性保守不思創新。

男人有此數：對異性較消極，渴望迷人的對象，卻不敢主動追求，對母姊型能幹型女性較有好感。
女人有此數：對異性過於理想化，容易陷入孤寂空洞幻想中，對現實生活甚不滿意卻無勇氣改善創新，而日度一日，容易有憂鬱的傾向。

此數具有謀略、智慧、心思細、內斂，內心空虛，可靠智慧賺錢之數。
個性是保守消極謙和忍讓，精神容易空虛寂寞，能隨遇而安，有不滿不溢言表，喜歡追求哲學宗教心靈，適合單純閒散生活，積極展開社交圈則容易捲入是非糾紛，並受人牽累。外實內虛常為小事煩惱，心胸開朗發揮長才則易成功。有才華卻不見容於社會，多災多疾多糾紛，空虛困苦。

外運(白虎方)解說：
外在的人際關係．行動力．行為表現您的外運為以下論述：
在工作上或在事業上對友誼充滿熱忱，但對別人要求太高，容易失望而灰心，對別人相當熱心慇勤，也能與人深交，但隔不久即生厭，又另交新友。部屬面前不苟言笑，能樹立權威，是能幹的主管人選。

總運(前堂與後山方)解說：
最終的本質．總體的表現以及給別人的感覺您的總運為以下論述：
此數為貴人之數，此數之人最易患車關，喜歡和朋友往外跑、到處玩若配局不當，最容易發生車關，在外格，異性緣好，又是坐享其成之人。為人聰明、反應快，自尊心強，有領導能力，重承諾，謙和有禮、人緣佳。

有兴趣的朋友可以到http://www.131.com.tw/

2010-02-17T11:58:00.004+08:00

I was always told that I need to be happy during New Year time, I think I am really happy this year.

deduct the dollarssss I lost this year. FML

Thanks to winter olympic, I have two week holiday which fall exactly on Chinese New Year. For those who dunno, I am still having the two weeks holiday now. So whoever want to talks to me please do so cause I am super free now.

Olympic is good in a sense, it changes the whole Vancouver. But the bad thing is the congested public transport here, buses are always full. And you will see a lot of crazy people with their crazy country flag on them.

So its crazy people with crazy flag in a crazy town taking crazy bus.

Till then. Happy Chinese New Year everyone. Hope you all have a good one :)

2010-02-05T11:46:00.005+08:00

At times I will fall into deep thoughts about life.

as in, my life

Right now right here, I am lost.

I start questioning myself did I do the right choice in my life. I feel like I had made a lot of mistakes in my life and I didnt work hard enough to squeeze into the most preferable path in my life. A big part of me is the thing that I love. Its in my blood.

Reality and Dreams are two different things.

You see things; and you say, "Why?"

But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"

I have envisioned everything about it in my head, and I did rehearsed it over and over again everyday. But I know it will still be a dream if I never actually work on it.

Dun get me wrong, I don't have nothing to regret at all in the past.

But I know I need to do better in the future!

When I went back to something that I liked today after a long time, I suddenly feel the passion of it. I feel connected to it but I know somehow I cant just go for it because of my own limitation. I wish to be it but I know its not the time yet.

I doesnt have the strength and body shape and speed and everything to be it, but who cares?

I know I like it, and thats everything I need.

Yes I am being emo,

but no, I am ok.

I am just at another stage of life. I am glad that a short 1 hour training makes me grows.

Every man dies and not every man really lives. To lives, you must fill what's empty and empty what's full.

And thats what exactly I am gonna do now.

2010-02-03T12:34:00.005+08:00

Life has been good to me recently,

I learnt a lot

I realized that self fullfilling prophecy really exist in this world. People will fill in the details they want thus perceiving this world as what they thought how it should be like.

Education cant provide us a line that distinguish what is correct and what is wrong for us. Everyone has their own ruler. There are too many jabronis in this world, they didnt walk their talk. They show off to people around them saying how good they are and how are they going to do something impressive. Instead of saving power to face their life, they are bragging how hard is it for others to be in their situation, but do they really know how others' situation is like?

In a way they are trying to impress everyone, but are they?

Its good to share your experience with others, but its not when you simply assume that you are working harder than others because you thought you were.

Being a narcissus might make them feel good, or even people around them will also feel good about them, but only naive people.

And in the end, they got nothing other than a big mouth.

The problem is, when you made the most "tabah" person in the group pissed off at you, you should know what mistakes you have done.

Love it or leave it, thats life.

I feel like I have this very "lungism" principle to live out my life. I do what I think is correct and let god to decide the rest for me. When I know someone is not good for my life, I will slowly move out from his/her circle because I know the longer I stay, the more danger I would be in.

My law of live is simple.

If you treat me good then I will treat you double good.

If you treat me bad I will definitely remember it.

People may say that I am being mean to those people, maybe they just did mistake.

But you can never guarantee there wouldnt be second times.

I see how people live through scornful remark flabbily, and I think its wrong. I think there is a need for me to correct those who made scornful remark instead of swallowing it silently. I believe in laissez-faire. I know everyone has their own freedom of how to live out their life, thus I wont say I am the one who live out the 100% life over others.

Of course I am not a perfect person, I do have my flaw as well.

*end of bragging

__________________________________________________________________

Recently I found that I had a very good ability on recognizing faces, I can nearly recognize everyone from my class even though I had never talk to them before. Maybe a big chunk of my brain had been using up to recognize face, that why I cant do great in study :(

Some funny thing to share, someone say I look like this guy few days ago.

Michael Cera

acted in Superbad and Juno.

So I attach my own pic here for comparison.

They now call me Asian Michael Cera.

囧

2010-02-02T11:32:00.002+08:00

Recently Apple just launch the long awaited Ipad.
They say picture talks. I believe this one does its job well.

Many were disspointed, I am one of them.

Oh no wait! Ipad cant even run four application in a time, my bad about the caption above.

2010-01-24T05:44:00.002+08:00

I was terrified by the news of Haiti recently.
Until I saw them, I know there are still hopes and loves

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Everytime we love, everytime we give, its the time the world at its best

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.

I believe that love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.

Good luck Haiti.

2010-01-13T13:58:00.006+08:00

I don't usually like to speak about politic.

When I do, it must be something that had happened really annoyed me or its because I feel like there is a need for me to do so.

I feel like I have the urge to speak something for this country at this very moment.

Since I was small, I was told to work harder than others because we are not the majority of this country. We have the need to work harder than others so that people can see us and recognize us.

And so I did.

I wouldnt say I have much of an accomplishment now. But I can humbly say I at least am representing my country for the moment.

Trust me, I have more love to this country than I could possibly written it all out here.

I love the country like how I love my family, because without the country, there wouldn't be me.

I knew you since the first day I was borned. Everything I had with you is definitely the best I could ever get in life.

"I thought I knew you"

You were one of the 17 mega diversed countries. You were the song that we all sing to commemorate the death of those warriors who claimed the land from the dictator. You were the home for thousands and thousands of elites and families. You were the greatest nation dominate the world industry of rubber and palm oil.

You gave me the most joy and excitement that I couldnt find anywhere else in this earth. You have the best food and the best places to visit in the countries. You have a great system that bond people from different races together.

And most importantly, you were my home. You were the closest friend that I had ever made in my life. Those 50 years of history have proved that you are strong enough to overcome any fear of people have had for this country. You once told the world you are the place where everyone can live under one roof peacefully.

To quote Margaret Atwood "Perhaps that's been my difficulty in writing you this letter: I'm not sure I know what's really going on."

The situation is horrible for anyone to see in this world.

I felt embarrassed when I saw the news all over the world.

"When did you get so fragile?"

Shouldnt you be holding hands together and building up the country?

Is it worth to give up the once great union for a single word of"god"?

Where is your once glorious "bersatu dan maju"?

The fire might have destroyed the building, but I truly believe that union between people will not be destroyed so easily.

It was said that "the land that spilled with my blood is my country" and "god gave happiness for the people".

If there should be a war declared, it should not be a civil war.

I am not writing to show how arrogant I am and telling to others that my words held new and intriguing insights that nobody in You had ever thought of or heard before.

I am writing to do as much as possible as I can as a student to help you.

If there is a wish for every meteor fallen on this earth, I will stay out every night to wait for meteor rain.

I wish that this country will back at once again.

It will be.

refer to Margaret Atwood- A Letter to America

2010-01-12T07:21:00.004+08:00

Its probably an once in a life time "bomb in the bus" experience.

It was a snowing day, some people slept in the bus while others enjoying the scene from Washington DC to New York. Most of us are sleeping and try to get as much rest as possible before reaching New York.

But one of the passenger in the bus are not.

We woke up by the sudden stop of the bus in the middle of the highway. At first I thought it was just a routine stop so that people can go to restroom or grab some snacks.
The next scene is what makes the day interesting.

About 4 police cars surrounded the bus and ask the driver to go down from the bus.
I wasn't aware of the incident until I saw a tall inspector-like guy come up to the bus and ask us some question about the changing of driver.
So I thought what is actually happening to myself at that moment, but only she knew what was happening.

Maureen, the girl was later asked by the police to go down from the bus. At first I thought it was like some illegal immigrant kind of stuff. But it was more than that.

The bus driver then come up to the bus and whisper to the front row passenger
"That girl is crazy, she said there's a bomb in the bus"

I figured it out immediately. The girl actually thought that the bus was hijacked because there was a change of driver about 1 hours ago.
Duh!

So the whole thing becomes connected, that girl thought the bus were hijacked by this pakistanis-looking driver and that he is going to drive us all to hell on new year eve.(literally speaking).
On the one hand you can say that this girl watched too much movies. On the other, she was just being cautious. A lot of issues actually contributed to this incident, discrimination is definitely one of them.

I believe part of it is because the 911 smashed too hard on the country, it probably will never be forgotten by them anytime soon, though it had been nine years now. It just too painful for them to see their friends or family pass away in such a sudden and unexpected way.

After the incident, I looked out to the window.
I can hardly imagine about living a life in danger, nor in fear.
I couldnt help to look at her in the bus
I think she actually did something good for her, and of course

for us.

2010-01-11T05:04:00.009+08:00

What I did in 2009
2009 was great despite of the swine flu, economy crisis, people losing jobs, but still, it was a great year for me.

I had been to six countries, 7 if you count Macau as one in 2009.

2009 set the down-est record for my mood so far. January 2009, I can still remember vividly how my mood was affected by the result I got for the first semester. It was devastating, I was homesicking, desperating, and food craving for that time.
Trapping in the foreign country without the support and accompany of your family is hard, you have got to do everything by yourself, and you have got to know that its no one but you.You got to buck up and face the coming challenges. Love it or leave it, thats the thing I learnt.

Then just in a blink of time I am home. Nothing can ever beat the feeling of home. I have only one home, because home is built with love and dreams, but house is just made of sand and stone. I may have a lot of places to stay, but home, just one.
There is nothing half pleasant as going back home again.

2009 was probably the year where I had the most buffet lunch and dinner in my 20 years life. I believe I had eaten more than 200 salmon sushis for the past year.

Been to Hong Kong. It was really a great trip, but it could be better without the swine flu.

Bangkok, May 2009. Travelling with friends. Had some jokes that will never ever be forgotten. I realized that squating in front of 7-eleven eating maggie mee can actually enjoyable :) I had so much time well spent with you guys and seriously if the time would just stop for one second, I would grab the chance to spend that one second with you guys.

Bali family trip, June 2009. Travelling with family member is definitely the best thing in life. And of course, I had the chance to meet my brother whom I have not seen for 1.5 years. I really wonder sometimes why is he so different than me. But one thing I can be sure of, we share the lameness. And we absorb each others' lameness and make use of it.
And because of this trip, we promise each other to have a family trip in June for every coming years.

Its funny how three of us ended up pursuing our dream in different regions on the earth , I am at the north hemisphere, he is at the south hemisphere, and he is in the middle of the earth. Three of us experience three different timezone and culture, but still, we share the same blood.

Melacca, June 2009. You can get the best chicken rice here, it is seriously very berry strawberry delicious. Would definitely go back again for the chicken rice alone. How nice it is? I would say I wouldnt mind driving for three hours to Melacca just to have that chicken rice then drive back home. Eat is always a big part of me.

June 209. Pulau Redang, Malaysia. Probably the best island in Malaysia. Recommended for couple as well as a bunch of friends. One thing that I saw in the island make me fall into deep thoughts. The workers there are mainly immigrants. They are really good in term of providing services.
At first I saw one of the workers there holding something and walk to a corner alone. I thought he was planning for something bad. But it turns out he wasnt. He was actually trying to find a silent place to read a letter alone. I can never forget the smile from his face when he was reading the letter. That is just so natural and full of love. When he is done reading it, he kisses the letter and go back to work again. He saw me on the way back to work, and he nodded to me and smile, and that is, one of the best smile I had ever seen in my life.
Working abroad is hard, but it is not when you have the support from your family.
That might just be a letter for any other person, but for him, its something that he couldnt afford to lose.

September 2009. Gathering with friends can never be more fun, you get to know everyone's stories and of course, secrets as well. Sendoff two of my best friend to study in US. Went to sing K almost every twice a week that time, those are the crazy time, but yea, I love it.

Summer 2009. Went back to the things that I once lost interest in, Petanque.

August 2009, Got my first ever DSLR, partly due to the horrible incident I faced where I lost my camera.

Summer + Fall + Winter 2009 Learnt how to solve a rubic's cube online. Now I can solve it within one minute. Finally decided to have something lively in my room, so I start to take up the responsibility of petting fish, and it really helps. As the picture shown, I got to save a little money as well.

December 2009. Before the end of 2009, I got the chance to fly over to achieve my American dream. The country was good. Though its not that good as what I was imagine before but still, its a great trip and I learnt a lot of things during the trip.

Till then, my wish for 2010 is simple.
Better than 2009 :)

2010-01-04T13:07:00.007+08:00

10 things I learnt in USA

1. The carts in US airport are not provided for free.

At first I was shocked when I saw Seattle Tacoma Airport actually charge people 5 bucks for using those cart to pull their luggage. Same thing in New York, they dun offer carts for free in JFK airport as well.

2. US people say excuse me instead of sorry

When I was discussing about how to differentiate between Canadian and American, the only difference we found was that they dun say sorry when they accidently bump into people, they say excuse me instead.

3. New York is not as pretty as how it is potraited through media.

In Chinese proverb we say "Gold outside, bad things inside"(I know its a bad translation)

I was hoping to see like the real "New York City" as what it looks like on TV, and I failed. Everything town or city has its own flaws, even the biggest city in the world.

4. Count down in Timesquare is overrated

Maybe people just enjoy the crowd, but I am not really enjoying it. I would prefer more show on the stage rather than just show the crowd some ads and MTV

5. Washington DC might be the city that I will end up living in someday

Some town have its own kind of attraction, this one just fit me best.

6. US people appreciate their history a lot

People can queue for like two or three hours to see a piece of constitution made 200+ years ago.

At some countries, people will only queue up to buy lottery or toto.

7. Travel to some boring places can be fun if you are with the right people.

8. In Malaysia, talking about politic and government is what you wouldnt want to do, but in US and Canada, its the only thing they do.

9. People in US are generally fatter
The result of consuming too much fried food. You can see an overweight people in every four person I guess. Thats why size XXXXL is never too large for them.

10. The tenth and the last one, 路遥知马力，日久见人心.

You will never know someone enough until you really get to know them. lol. Both good and bad side. :)

2010-01-02T12:19:00.004+08:00

Turning 21 somehow means a lot to me
I think its time for me to think about my life now.

Past
Present and
Future

Choice to be made and fear of everything to be lost.
The brave action to be done, the glory song to be sung

2009-12-26T20:01:00.001+08:00

Its late in night and I cant sleep.

Christmas night makes people miss home. And I am here in New York blogging

Merry Christmas people :)

More update on New York trip soon.

2009-12-19T14:53:00.006+08:00

When you compare the last year you and this year you,

you will always find a difference, or differences.

Its not until this year that I found I had actually settled down

I am not again acting like a little kid who miss home every moment abroad.

I somehow already get used to what I had here.

Not that I forgot how my previous years were like, but its just that I recognized something new into my life.

Waking up to study, going to class, meet new people is like a daily routine for me here.

Truth to be told, I will definitely miss here if I am gone.

I mean of course there is a reason why Vancouver is one of the best city to live on Earth.

The first year me was a totally novice of how to live out a life here.

Second year I start to get something from what fate had brought me to.

And I am sure for the next year, next next year, I will learn more and more

Like what the proverb said
"Learn for yesterday, live fore today, hope for tomorrow"

2009-12-11T07:06:00.003+08:00

I just realize that there is actually someone who hacked into others account trying to get some money from that account owner's friend. Seriously I think the conversation of the hacker is stupid. Like seriously stupid kind of stupid

6:57am Pamela
hey
are you there ?
6:58am Lee
yes?
6:58am Pamela
how are you ?
6:58am Lee
pretty good
6:59am Pamela
am not too good
6:59am Lee
having rxam or something?
*exam
7:00am Pamela
am stuck in London
got mugged at gun point
7:00am Lee
you at london now?
7:01am Pamela
yes
7:01am Lee
is it like on a vacation or?
7:01am Pamela
vacation
all cash,credit card and phone was stolen
7:01am Lee
thats too bad :(
u alone?
7:01am Pamela
yes
7:02am Lee
wow, so u went there alone eh
have u contacted embassy yet?
7:02am Pamela
It was a Brutal Experience but Thank God i still have my life and passport saved
7:02am Lee
yea, it sucks
7:03am Pamela
my return flight leaves in few hours but having troubles sorting out the hotel bills
I need your help /
7:03am Lee
if u still have ur passport why will u got stuck in london?
o, ok
7:03am Pamela
wondering if you could loan me some few $$ to sort out the hotel bills and also take a cab to the airport
I promise to refund you tomorrow please
7:03am Lee
lol
do u think its possible that i will do that for you?
i mean no offence but i duno you at all
7:05am Lee
And i know its a new kind of scam
so fuck off and stop being a jerk trying to get money from other people
cant you get something better to do instead of being such a punk?
You don't have permission to chat with this person.
seriously u need to do better than that
its so stupid

The next thing the hacker blocked me out from talking to the account owner anymore. Poor Pamela.

Post this up so that you guys will be aware of such scam. Sometimes our friend might really need help but please be sure who are we really talking to before we helped.

2009-12-09T15:00:00.003+08:00

And so I thought

The day was nice, in fact it was nice for the whole week.

So I went down to Wreck beach to take this picture.

It wasn't an once in a week thing for anyone to go down there (at least for me) because you will need to climb the hell long 473 counted step to get up to University land again.

Some people do it for health, and some for "pleasure on eyesight"

And me, I am for picture.(at least for that day)

Sunset always meant something to me.

Like its the end of the day, but wait, there ARE still tomorrows.

It sort of remind you what you had left out for today and remind you to do it for the sake of tomorrow.

Every second of sunset was precious, you can see everyone staring at the same side of the earth just to indulge every single moment of the beauty.

Just so you know.

Alone could be fun something, it makes you think.

especially before the very moment of breaking down. :)

Beyond the sunset, there is where you will find me.

And I know every after sunset, I get nearer to my goals.

2009-11-20T07:36:00.003+08:00

Petanque is probably one of the least famous sport througout the world.

But it is one of the most challenging sport as well.
It needs a lot of focus and dedication onto the game, once you missed a step, you lost. Its that simple.

I remember the first time I step into petanque field is when I was still in form 1

It so weird when you saw bunch of people are trying to throw metal boule to near a plastic Jack.

I used to say its probably one of the worst sports you can play in life

The whole rules is ,you cant move, you cant step out of the small circle that is only as large as ur two feet, you cant use leg and you cant jump.

Then I got into the school team and practice this sports everyday. It was so boring.

Until when I finally realize the theory of it, I found that it actually carries a lot of things related to your life.

It really open my eyes when I was in the Malaysia open 2007

It taught me how to make plans and calm down when something goes wrong in life. I was the one who knock the opponent's boule when the boule come into our way to get near our target.

The moment of throwing the boule away from you is hard.

Mentally, its like you are having thousand of things racing in ur mind.

The feeling is beyond words. Its crucial sometimes as well because you lost the target, you lost the whole game.

Theorectically, you are holding and palm-size metal ball and you are trying to knock away the other palm-size ball which is like 10 m from you.

Ignoring the damn big sun you are under when you are playing, you will still need to count and speculate which angle you will need to shoot the ball so that it wont spoil the whole plan.

Its hard.

Chance is there, but it depends on whether or not you can hit it.

Same as life, chances are there, grab it or lost it.

2009-11-13T15:14:00.005+08:00

I am having this problem of producing three in a Canadian way

When I was in class, I said three and people will say "what?"

Then I say again "THREE"

*shaking my tounge when I was saying the word*

Again, "what?"

I swear at that moment I would like to shout out "p"

But I didnt for sure, I was in a class anyway.

I realize that this is my own problem when I went to an aquarium shop

I said:

"I am sorry but I want to get three fishes"

"There are two in there."

"No, I mean three"

"There are already two inside!"

So I take off my shoes and show him how to count finger.

My left hand middle finger, right hand middle finger, and my left leg middle finger

He understood me immediately. I am so proud

2009-11-03T17:29:00.005+08:00

Ever had an exam that you got absolutely no enough time to finish it?

I am not a very bright student in every class I would say

but the only good thing about me is I am fast.

I cant hardly recall any of it that I cant finish on time and not leaving early

The exam is totally ridiculously ironically purposely sally made up.

Even the professor was telling us that:" For sure you guys wouldn't be able to finish the exam, so DO the part that YOU THINK you will do most well."

but whats the point?

So there it is, 5 question, consists of at least 12 sub questions for each
total up 150 marks.

And my prediction would be that no one can get higher than 50% for the test.

By the way, the feeling of having only done half of the paper and hearing "10 minutes left" really boost you up to a level than you can never imagine. You will speed up real fast.

For one second you were still at the first half of the exam paper, the next you had done crapping for the rest of the paper.

But what the heck eh?

I finally had it today :)

2009-11-01T12:19:00.005+08:00

Its funny when its Halloween,

You feel weird by wearing normal cloth going around the street

Cause everyone beside you are someone! They are all "someone" that you know.

Even taking a bus might make you feel weird :S

The fact is, this is the day that I will have one more hours to sleep or do my stuff.

But I happen to think that what if I died in one of the Daylight Savings Time months and never got that hour back?

Wouldn't that be depressing?

It would be for me at least :(

2009-10-30T09:32:00.004+08:00

The ironic things happen when you are abroad is that

You make comparison.

But I find it particularly funny that when I am here, I tend to hate those things that I like back in Malaysia.

I like raining in Malaysia but not here
I like cold weather in Malaysia but not here
I like to go out and run during cloudy period but not here
I like to go out at night yam cha but not here

And the list goes on and on and on

But still, I am proud to say that food and sleep is so much loved for every places I have been in this world.
:)

p/s:Its the other version of the kissing fish picture, yes Its different!

2009-10-23T10:43:00.006+08:00

Ok, so the fact is, i did went for a haircut

And

I did shave my hair

Well, yes I did

For some part.

Life is good for the moment, will inform u guys when its not

Havent run track for like almost a week now, how i miss thee.
The damn weather just wouldnt be warmer for me to run.
Some place start snowing already.

The very very bad thing about DSLR is, its hard to take ur own photo. Self-taken is even harder than taking a drumstick on your hand.

Good luck people :)

2009-10-12T16:36:00.002+08:00

A letter for you guys :)

Surprisingly, I am the second who turn to 20 finally eventhough we edi flipped 9 pages of the calendar.Obviously we are all late born babies, take away the account that "some"people who were borned on 1990. We dun reallly care, are we? lol

Thats why we call snakiss and not horsekiss.
btw, horsekiss sounds so terrible.Its true that we know each other such a long period.

We did so much thing together. Like really a lot and a lot.
We had actually reached a level that no one can get into in each other's heart.
If one new guy appear in my life and say "hello, can i be in there?"
I will definitely say no: "This is reserved, for them"
By them I mean you all.

We can do so many thing together that we couldn't with any of our new friend in our life.
Cause the bond is so strong that we couldnt do something without that some special person beside us.

I know vchin for like what? 18 years? We had been growing up together and its like he and me is a family. (yes we are)

Turning 20 is like the greatest turning point in my life.
Having ur age starting with two, means that you can no longer be the 1st one in people's priority care list because you are old now, you should be able to take care of urself instead of hoping others to take care of you.
Having ur age start with the figure 2, means that its time to find the other one in ur life and start a real relationship with him or her.
Though I know I am the only one who looking for a "her". lol.
Its not like sweet 16, 17 ,18,19 anymore. The favor slowly change to sour and bitter.
We all need to go through things that we dun like but we must been through to grow up. We are adult now and we are responsible for everything we had done, doing, and will do in the not so far future.

We all had so much diferences but yet we are so similar in a way that we love each other and care each other so much.
I had so much time well spent with you guys and seriously if the time would just stop for one second for me to reminiscence, I would hope that I can spend that one second with you guys.
Not even a milisecond I would willing to waste on that golden chance. I promise.

A friend doesnt need to be equipped with lots of thing, the most important to have is your ear, eyes, and most impotantly your heart.
Even if another and another and another more 20 years had come, I hope that we will still be friends. No matter what had happened. Tsunami, earthquack or cornflake. We, you, me, him, her and we, will still be, FRIENDS.

I had gave so much love into this relationship. I can't afford to lost anyone of you in my page of life. I got no eraser for my page of life, so once you are in the list, you will always be in.
And I hope this will last long enough :)

Get ready for the striking of 20th for the rest who havent been in the Twenties club. Soon enough you will be.

The three wishes I am going to have this year is

Everyone find the true love in their life.
All my wishes will come true
And the last one I will keep for myself

With much love I couldn't possibly written out here,
Lung

2009-10-08T16:32:00.006+08:00

I really wanted to sleep. But I cant after reading this e-mail
I am so truly touched when I finish reading the email. It definitely make my day and I will keep it till the very end of my life.

I always want to bring changes to others' life, and I wish that I could change others. Doing so make me feel good. There is nothing better in this world than helping others.

It really glad to have someone you know that cares about you and you actually occupied a special place in his/her heart.

It doesnt need to be a big bouquet of flowers or a big luxurious present.

An email, is already more than enough
Thx about the email, it really is the best present I have had so far.

Really, Thank you.

"Sometimes, i wonder about how we become friends and how do we maintain it for so long. It is quite unbelievable that we can become friends if we account the differences of our personalities.

Still remember, i was juz tat kind of people who always secluded myself when i was in form 1 and form 2. Lol
I think the beginning of our friendship is all thanks to taekwondo. It was taekwondo that we start to know each other.

And then, dota even brought us closer together. Because of it, we have a common hobby, we hang out together more, and we juz became even more like friends.

So far in my life, there are few birthdays that are memorable for me. One of them happened when we were both in form 1. You might forget about it already
though. In the class, you suddenly called my name and wished me happy birthday. That was quite a surprise. In truth, you were the onli one who wish me happy birthday. Not to mention, we hardly talk to each other at those days. I appreciate it very much.

Indeed, your presence has a certain meaning in my life.

In this special day of yours, i want to wish u HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Friendship forever:)P.S.Haha. There must be quite some grammatical errors. Long time no write essay liao, so juz bear wif it:)

I write this essay because i suddenly think of the past and feel so nostalgic about it. Mayb because the older people grown, the more people want to back to the past. Have a good day:)"

2009-10-04T05:17:00.006+08:00

Recently I come out with the idea that I need to do something special for my 20th birthday.

At first I thought of presenting myself a tattoo on my leg (calf muscle more specifically).

I figure that it would be a great idea that against all odds, I manage to get into the track team of UBC

It seems pretty cool to have a tattoo on the leg too since I like running so much and it sounds so perfect for me!

Then I asked my dearest in my life about their opinion, not surprisingly, they all say no

So I try to find another alternative to do in this significant (well, at least for me) twentieth birthday.

And she come out with the idea that I should shave my head and mark my 20 years in this earth.

What do you think, if a lot of people say yes, I will actually go for it

2009-09-28T06:01:00.002+08:00

If you asked whats the biggest thing changed in my life so far after one year i came here.
This will definitely be it
I used to hate it so much and asked why people like to eat sour rice so much and willing to spend so much on it? Its just expired and cold rice afterall

But it turns out I was wrong for so long, it taste good!
Or it taste really really good.
I thought it was like girls' hobby to eat sour rice but now I am one of them.

some moment to share. Love you guys :)

I had a lot of fun

2009-09-23T11:40:00.004+08:00

As I keep training, I felt like I am not competing with others anymore
Instead I am trying to find for a breakthrough point for myself that is not far

In fact, I am challenging myself to go faster and faster each time if i am able to do so.
You can win anyone in this world if you train hard enough.
But you can never win urself.

When you do have this thought, the intention to win is not the drive anymore, therefore you will keep on improving.

I am toeing the line now, and waiting for the chance

When the time comes, i will give my best. And strikes

2009-09-22T09:09:00.003+08:00

So people had asked
What makes you choose psychology,

I replied: Nothing, I wish to know myself more, thats why I choose it as my major.
Havent know myself enough, I wouldnt dare to know others more.

Life is good so far, no homesick yet, tonnes of travelling plans and lots of things to learn
Except that the bloody $2000+ rent need to due a day after my birthday.

I am so glad that UBC actually have its own oval now, I am running like everyday there.
What best in life?
Its when you can do things that you love whenever u want to.

If you never do what you love, you will never love what you do. Thats the fact of life.
Life sucks, big time
So Its time to take the bull by the horn and face the music.

Today mark the end of Summer, Be ready for the coldness people!

2009-09-18T00:46:00.002+08:00

Reading those news really freak me out,

For one second this guy, fren, family member or even lover is still in front of you and functioning perfectly answering every of your question. But for the next, he/she is gone.

Not that they leave for short, but that is, forever.

The words forever is just too cruel for me. Left aside our own feeling, think about how's the feeling of others toward that incident?

We can always say "God always take the best from us"

But does He really?

We are all living in a real sordid world where we dun even know what will happen to us the next day. Or maybe the next second precisely

I know I am being sentimental here, but who else doen't when something bad come into their life?

Life is weak and unprecedent and so is death.

Appreciate ur life before god-know-who took it away from you and force you to do so.

2009-09-10T22:43:00.002+08:00

I am sure that there is some time of our life that we will start thinking, hey! I am getting older.

For me, I think its now.
I wake up before seven everyday. Its a sign or what?

Or its just because I sleep 8pm everyday?

Can someone tell me?

2009-09-01T15:26:00.003+08:00

One thing i know i will be doing in the next few months will be, studying

And of course, back to the blogging routine.

I am all ready to go now.

Whats packed? Mind is packed, luggage is, and I am.

O, Sekinchan, How i love theeee

2009-08-11T23:44:00.000+08:00

I will miss you.

2009-05-20T20:07:00.001+08:00

Its a long day, but still

Missions accomplished.

2009-05-18T10:26:00.005+08:00

Life has been busy for the pass two weeks I reached Malaysia. A lot of outing and gathering for the pass two weeks and I believe more are coming.

Anyway.

To sum up the Hong Kong trip, I would say its fun. But I missed out the casino part in Macau and I think I will go there again with my family.

And for the Bangkok trip, it was awesome, despite of not seeing them for like 8 months. We are still good fren and we are still as cool as we were before.

Well, Thanks for reading the blog. Might not update as often as I did when I was in Canada. Wont be wasting my summer break by just surfing the net. Might as well stay in Vancouver if I did just that eh?

Happy summer break people!

2009-05-06T00:10:00.002+08:00

I am just too lazy to blog about the later trip.
Sorry about that.
I promise I will update it after I collect all of the pictures.
There is one thing I can say about HK to you all now.
HK is a shopping paradise yes, but its if only u are willing to spend more on it.

Thats all.

Stay tuned guys :)
For more pictures can go see my facebook photo

Going back in two days!

2009-05-03T07:38:00.004+08:00

The deal is, we need to wear mask to prevent from taking Swine flu back with us. We cancel our plan for visiting some of the attraction because we are aware that we must keep ourself healthy from time to time. Do our best to not falling sick.

What to do?
Pig flu make us dun even have the right to breath fresh air.
I hate swine flu.

Its day two and after some discussion of how will we try our best to minimize the chances of infected with swine flu.
This swine flu did really affected my mood of staying here.
And seriously, I even feel like going home.
But wth eh?
Who can actually be here when there is a flu outbreak?
Its like the only chances in ten years.
SARS i am not here, Bird flu I am not here

But hey! I am here for swine flu.

So we went to Madame Tussaud's wax museum.
It was fun. And here are some pictures to share.

This is for those who think that I am too thin for six pack. Yes, I am not

Lang Lang feel touching by hearing me playing piano.

One of the good thing about wax museum is, they are moulded base one 1:1 ratio. And you can compare ur height with them.

And he is one of my favourite in the museum.

And he is shorter than me

Hong Kong night view is fantastic. I bet you can hardly find any other one in the world.

Its just so amazing that you will be drunk by just looking at it for more than 30 minutes.

I am boring with Hong Kong food already. Any other food suggestion?

Well, Malaysia food is still the best.

2009-05-01T23:33:00.008+08:00

Day 1 in Hong Kong

The first impression is hot. Like real hot.
Not that kind of sexually attrative hot but its big sun burnly hot.

The first thing is, surely Ice tea.

And I had like two in a row for the day. It was nice

The shopping centre and stores are crazy here, people actually queueing up for branded stuff more than they queueing for toilet.
Guess they have a lot to spend here.
And who is the one who told me branded stuff is cheaper here? Shit, I was cheated.
Its actually more expensive. Dun ask me about shopping anymore.

Like usual stuff. I take picture with him. Or should I say he take it with me?
Bruce Lee. Arena of stars

The view is great here, we spend the whole day walking and believe it or not, we walked like 30km for the whole day. And we pretty much covered the whole Tsim Sha Zui and Mong Kok.

I swear, I am not people who coming and hoping to get laid here. I am innocent, I just found this ads board interesting as it seem.

Its not like I havent get much time to get to know about Hong Kong even if I am here for only a short day. The thing is. I did.

I learn quite an important thing in HK.

The culture is just so deeply rooted in us.

Yes, Hong Kong feet, I smelled it even before I had got the chance to explore Hong Kong.

And yea, something come in between me and this Hong Kong trip, and that is?

Frust, I hate Swine Influenze.

SKC got dengue, Hong Kong got Swine influenza, Vancouver got homocide, Thailand got riot, Indonesia got bomb,, KL got robbing cases, and Sarawak got Lee Lung.

wtf, where should I go.

2009-04-30T16:50:00.003+08:00

Remember since the first day I reached here
Started from three figure.
Then two, then start with 1.
Then here it is
8 more days then I will be home.
Fly away from studies, and enjoy my life.

Happy Summer people :)

Some of us even get an erection because of the long waited excitement.

:D

2009-04-28T10:22:00.002+08:00

With an ice-cream on the hand means that.
Spring, is here
No more coldness and small pXXXses.

And no more Seasonal Affective Syndrome.

Flowers are everywhere.

My fren come ove this few days before we all depart to Hong Kong, and so I took him to some Vancouver so called "attraction".
It was fun.

And yes, i go and kiss the fish again.

Did I told you I owned a Lamborghini?

Yes I do.

Days are near, few more days from going back home. :)

2009-04-23T02:23:00.005+08:00

Its one month load of laundry here. Guess its the last time for laundry for the end of this term.

Few days ago I went and checked whether there is yet naked people at Wreck beach or not.

The result is, as some wolves might want to know but lazy to climb own

-drumroll please-

YES

Its not easy to go down to the beach since u need to climb down like 400+ ladders to and climb up again to the origin point to UBC.

My gastrocnemius (俗称小腿) muscle now suffering overstretching pain because I tried to run up to the top within 10 minutes.

Well, thats the pain you need to endure if u wish to see *cough cough* naked peoples

Or should I say naked old people.

If you see me around, you will probably see my duck-like walking style to prevent further stretch of my gastrocnemius muscle.

I even feel that the seagulls like to apporach me now. Maybe they think I am one of their kind.

Damn.

2009-04-18T08:33:00.005+08:00

Well, I know writing this post will make many of you annoyed.
But I think I NEED to write it anyway

Waiting. A hard lesson learnt here
Seriously, I had never wait so much in my life before I came here
I heard numerous of :" Its ok to wait a while la, many people ma."

And yes I did.
Sometimes 10 minutes, 20 minutes and even one hour.
Note that 10minutes is the least time I had ever wait.

Not that I am on time everyday.
But I swear that I never will let someone wait me and ignore that that people had actually waited me

Is it so ok to be late sometimes?
The point I want to clarify here is, its not the current event that make me write this post. Ever boiling water in your time? I am at the limit of exploding off and people keep on heating on me.
Yes, I do have limit too

What's worse is,
Its not that I set the time for everything. Its not me.
So people who set the time should be on time. AM I BEING RIDICULOUS HERE?

And here come the story of my life,
When people ask for your help to bring them to buy things.
And I let them set the time.
Its not like I want to buy. But its out of the intention of helping them.
And I asked them to propose a time.

And yeah, time set
And then late again.

You are the one who want to go, you set the time, and you come late.
You play the whole game. Me being the fool.

Its so fucking not ok when you let someone waiting and you never feel guilty about it ok?
*I think its the first fuck ever in my blog, to show how serious I am in this case

After all, why should I devoted my precious time to wait people?

2009-04-16T04:44:00.002+08:00

This last guy seem like a bit out of air, but he is actually trying to do beatbox and blowing the flute in the same time.

I always love this song. Since I started to like Maksim.

Here is my promise to life.

I will play it once in my life. In full notes.
Not as fast as they can but I will try

One more to do thing in the list.
Probably the hardest one

21 days =)

2009-04-13T07:09:00.004+08:00

"Loveliest of Trees"

Loveliest of trees, the cherry now

Is hung with bloom along the bough, And stands about the woodland ride

Wearing white for Eastertide.

Now, of my threescore years and ten,

Twenty will not come again.

And take from seventy springs a score, It only leaves me fifty more.

And since to look at things in bloom,

Fifty springs are little room,

About the woodlands I will go

To see the cherry hung with snow.

1896

A.E. Houseman (1859-1936)

The good thing about spring is. You feel alive

Not like you get another live after u have had one.

But the feeling of rejuvenation after the deadly winter had passed.

You can actually see flower everywhere and you can sense the feeling of life blossoming around you.

Like those plants, they had survived another winter and so do you.

Life goes on and next, next next, and next next next winter is there waiting for you.

The bad side of the story?

The beauty of nature keep on distracting you from studying.

And when every trees are trying to attract people's attention. This one does too.

by growing out singlet. But hey! You can still wear it right?

2009-04-12T15:02:00.004+08:00

I found this video very beautiful. No any words in the world can describe it.

"And in the end, its this small things that you remember, that little imperfections that make them perfect for you."

"To my beautiful children, I hope one you too find yourselves a life partner, who is as beautiful as your father was to me."

We are all going to die one day and its just a matter of time when will it be.

Family is the always the one who give undivine love.Love them before its too late.

2009-04-11T14:58:00.002+08:00

Happy Easter people!

Life has been good. Everything going smoothly and all the classes had ended.

14th March is the first day I will have my exam.

then 25 March will be the last day

26th my friend will come and I will try to guide him all around Vancouver.

Actually was going to write a post about "be on time" but feel like I can still take it right now.

If it happened again.

I think I wont be that stupid anymore.

SUMMER!!!

is waiting!

26 days =)

2009-04-07T14:12:00.003+08:00

"Of Men and Women"

Woman's Journal

She had been acting really weird today. We promised to have dinner together but I late for one hour because I was shopping with my friend. I think this is the reason why she is not happy for the day.

There wasn't much communication between us and he was eating without looking at me. He wasn't in the mood the whole day and I was asking him tonnes of questions but he only reply me with "yes, no, and mm". I used every method to make him happy but it seems like not working on him at all.

Then I gave up and ask him to tell me what happened. He agreed but yet he didn't tell me anything at all. I asked again and he say:" Nothing, just dun need to care about me"

I asked:"Is it because I spent a lot on shopping that make you angry?"

A simple "no" end our conversation abruptly.

"Its not because of you, just leave me alone, i will be fine"

On the way going back home, I hold his hand and tell him that I love him. He says nothing. He just keep on his pace and without giving any response to me. I dun get it. Why would he response nothing to the "I love you".

When we reached home, I figured that things might be really serious. I think I am going to lose him and I think he dun even care about me anymore. I need to do something.

After I bathed, I saw him laying on the couch and watching the TV. What? He dun even care about my feeling?

So I went to bed and thinking about the whole incident then I fall asleep. I just dunno what happened to him that make him dun even care about me anymore.

I dunno how long I slept, I woke up suddenly and I saw some light coming from the living room.

"He is still watching TV?"

So I walked to the couch and decided to talk to him about our problem. He acted strange the whole day and I never see him act like this before. I think the talk is crucial for our relationship.

I practise the starting line hundred of times before I go out to talk to him. I care about this relationship and I know if I act wrongly this relationship will end just like that. I cant afford to lose him.

When I approached him, I found that he slept ont he couch with smile on his face.

This moment I can say for sure that he has an affair outside. He chose not to sleep with me and sleep on the couch. He hates me! I felt the world treat me unequally. God, why am I still living in this world?

I think this is the end of our relationship

Man's Journal

Manchester United lost today. But the TV series tonight is quite hilarious.

2009-04-05T14:29:00.007+08:00

It was a day with lots of passion and excitement.

Waking up at 9.

Which is actually earlier than usual, even weekdays.

Then going to swim at 3pm. Heading downtown at 6.

Things goes smoothly and yea, I finally saw my lover here in Vancouver.

I purposely travelled 30km away to see her.

I just cant reject her beauty.

For her, I willing to do anything

For her, I willing to spend billions of dollar.

For her, I willing to be with her and take her anywhere she want to.

For her, I willing to feed her when she needs it

I wish I can touch over her non-stop, and enjoy every inches of her.

She is just so fine and I really wish i knew how to quit her.
Her body is just so fine that everyone cant resist her beauty.

Je t'aime /^3^/

The evidence of I actually touched her

I am not like a very big fans of cars. But for luxury car, I am.
I still remember fondly when "The Dark Knight" sacrifice his cute and sweet Lamborghini on the road. The time it got hit, my heart was like bumped by a lorry.
I cant help but shouting out in the threater, it just cost too much for me.

The car show was nice, worth even penny of it.
I saw some rare car in the show like Lotus and Ferarri also.

I spent around two or three hour or so inside the show to try on some of my favourite car because I know this might be the very first and last chance I can touch on the car.
Who can actually afford those carsssss right?

So I tried to sit inside and get the feeling of owning the car for ten second or so.

FYI, I try on like 10+ cars that day.
The price is averagely cheaper if compare to Malaysia.

But still in the end, I can only manage to take back this one home.

Little sheep

Classy, elegant, yet not expensive.

Hey yo, Final is coming, chiong chiong chiong!

32 days more

2009-04-03T06:52:00.004+08:00

Just when I was talking to a new friend in PSYC 100 class.

"Yo, Whats your name bro?"

"Lung, whats your?"

"Aaron, where do you from?"

"Malaysia"

"Oh hell no, are you serious?"

"Well, do like look like cheating on a new fren like you?"

"My parent are from there also, I went back every summer"

Diaspora?

When I was the subject of a research project by UBC.

"Are you from Malaysia? Coz I can tell from your accent"

"Is it? How do you know about Malaysia accent?"

"My parent are from Penang, I know some Hokkien words also"

Diaspora

When I was paying for my clothes in FCUK® store in downtown Robson Street.

I was paying using my credit card, so as usual the cashier ask for my driving license.

"Oh, so you are from Malaysia eh?"

"Yup."

"I am from Malaysia too! I had been living here for like 20 years."

"Oh, what makes you here?"

"I studied and graduated here, so just feel like wanted to spend the rest of my life here."

........and on and on and on

Diaspora.

I was talking to my friend one day and she told me, people who are able to migrate to other country wont living in the country. Because they country is not ideal enough.

Diaspora.

People see 2009 as a good year. From Obama inaguration to the new start after the financial meltdown last year.

Changes is good. Will it be good for this April?

I will say it depends.

I cant speak for everyone. But the country can.

Latz wet n c

2009-03-27T09:27:00.003+08:00

Sunday 12pm is the time of the competition. Finally a big event here in UBC.

We are gonna rock the wal!!

Think back to those few months I was here, I actually tried around 50 restaurant all over Canada. Thats a great number I guess. Shall increase the number more.

Everything is fine, so far so good.

And most importantly, happy because spring is here :)

42 days =)

2009-03-19T08:04:00.005+08:00

So it is a raining day, which is not a strange day for Vancouver.

The showers doesnt make the day cold, its like 6°C.

So I went to run in this 33 trails park which cover as big as 763 hectares of land.
The name of the park is Pacific Spirit Regional Park.

Its always wonderful to have a park or beach around your campus because you can always find peace in this kind of places after the torturing of those midterms and assigments.

I must say that the park is big, even bigger than UBC itself.

So I started off by going into one of the trail, which i dun even know which trail it is.

So it goes, one trail after another one trail after another and on and on and on.

Coz I feel like if I want to stop, there must be someway out for me.

And even if I meet an dead end, I can always turn back.

That apply to life as well isnt it?

Then I recalled a time when I was still in Secondary school and the first Gold Medal I ever got in my life. I admit that I am not a good runner, I never was.

The day before the competition was tough for me, I even count the probability of me winning then race.

It comes out zero.

Because I am the youngest runner among them all, physically and mentally.
At first I was aiming to become the second runner up of the race. Which at least I can still get a medal anyway.

But when the harsh word come to my ear, I know that I shouldnt be so scare.

"Those who dunno how to run better leave the field now."

It stung.

I know I was the one who was "being not knowing how to run but still on the field".

So I said I must win the race.

Well, it turns out that I managed to win those well-experienced runner. And for the 800m race the next few days.

They dare not to show up anymore. Because they know they have made a mistake.

Big one.

This moulded me.
I am not a very big fans of luck, and I know the more I do, the more I will get.

I always love the feeling of being in a team.

Every accomplishments starts with the decision to try

What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?

And there is a very great quote that I love
"If you cant excel with talent, triump with effort"- Dave Weinbaum.

For my frens who just get their STPM and SPM result, good luck in everything.

And oh ya! 49days away from home.

2009-03-16T10:56:00.006+08:00

River Flows In You - Yiruma

I had never posted any song into my blog, because I think the autoplay function will make people feel bad when they are in my blog.

But now I do
The song is so like me
Its kinda like my mood right now.
Lost the direction of life and kinda in limbo for everything, what do I really want in my life?
The music is sort of like a people struggle in a forest, sometimes he sees hope, sometimes he dun.

And thats me right now.

The river flows is in me, so calm in the surface, but yet there is turbulent flow underneath.

2009-03-11T12:23:00.006+08:00

Something happened this few days that inspired me to write this post

I always want to thanks my mum, she is always the most important figure in my life
I remember a time when I called her after the english test.
I told her I am definitely not going to pass it.

She told me "Its ok, A is not everything, make sure you give ur best in every test then its enough"

I dun have the courage to tell the world that I failed the test that time. Because I know I can never put the blame on anyone but myself.

And yet, I am glad that I have family members that never put pressure on my studies. Not like they dun care. But they want me to enjoy my life and study whenever I want to.

I guess this is one of the reason why I am me. I study whenever I want to and enjoy my life whenever I feel like it.

Because I know life is short and in one blink, or maybe one next second, we wont be in this world anymore.

I always wanted to do something in my life. I try to be different.
Or should I say I want to be different?

Whenever there is obstacles in life, I will say it will lead to good things in the end. I applied it even in some small matter in life. Its all for the best

Ask my friends,

If I missed a bus, I wont curse the driver and blaming myself for not running faster to catch the bus. Instead, I know it will change the whole story of life. I know everything happened for a reason. Thus, regret is not in my dictionary, because I know regret will do nothing good for your life, even a little.

As KP say "We have to live with our mistake"

When mistake is done, what we need to do is accept it.

Only he/she who does nothing won't makes a mistake

here is to you,

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

This remind me of a close friend of mine,

he failed a test for three times and he doesnt say no to life.

He told me

"I already did my best"

Thats the spirit we should have in life.

So go for it. And make sure you wont hold any regret of your life.

For better or worse, I am sure it will lead to something unexpected, and maybe, better

2009-03-08T12:36:00.008+08:00

Well Well, should post some pictures of what I was doing for few weeks before this.

I finally went to Vancouver not-so-tall looking tower. I mean thats the only thing you can do to get to know one city right? Go to a higher place and have some sunset photo, then go down again. Well, It might not be as tall as other building, but I got some special feeling about this city night view because I had spend half year in this city and still counting!

This is probably the best shoot of the day, the white egg like building is BC place Stadium

You might say its pretty tall, but not after u see the comparison between this tower with the other tallest buildings in the world.

Yes, not even longer than your little finger

I tried one of a new thing in my life, LASER TAG. At first we thought we were the oldest among the people there. But it turns out that there is an older guy in his 50s who named himself as "terrorist X" won the game. Yea, older ginger is always hotter. Guess he spent a lot of time there shooting children.

Good thing is, I keep on improving in those three games, it ended up with I ranked as 4th place among some old wolves. Frankly, kids are easy target. And it was fun fun fun!
We four stay in a group and kept shooting whoever came into our territory, its a better way to win the game because some random guy will just bump into us and we will earn extra point by shooting them. Pity them.

The ranking make me so proud. lol. After all, its not really expensive, three games for $18. Each game for 20 mins

So here are some random pictures.

Like seriously random!

I managed to impersonate 盧廣仲, its kinda good to share. I guess.

This one was inspired by my brother. He said middle cut hair will make you looks like Yoga lin
No comment on this picture please, its just for fun

Tell me i dun look like 林亞珍 anymore, please. I change my hair line to the right already

Just some quick update,

I feel very very contented here. Its just couple of weeks more from going back to Msia.

Some people ask me why I go to classes that I am not into

And the reason is I like the feeling of knowing that I am still not as knowledgable as I thought.

Looking at those unknown formula on the blackboard make me realize that I had so much to learn in life!

I set up quite a lot of travel plans during this summer because I know there might not be chances for me to go those places again.

Once I graduated from U, I will need to work, work, work hard, harder, hardest.

Then I will have family, need to strive for promotion, no holiday, OT on Sunday. Then what?

I am old and I cant walk anymore.

Whats the point of that kind of life?

So now I remind myself always:"Wake up you, you are missing out! There's something called life"

Till then, good luck every SPM-ians and STPM-ians.

Especially you, and you :)